Her Boyfriend Wants To Split Their Rent Based On Income, But He Picked Out Super Expensive Apartments And Thinks She Should Cover 80% Of The Bills
This 28-year-old woman has been dating her boyfriend, Mark, who is 30, for just over a year. And while she doesn’t think it’s totally necessary to live together before getting engaged, her boyfriend thinks it’s a crucial next step.
That’s why they recently started apartment hunting together.
Right now, Mark lives in a studio and spends about $1,800 each month on rent. At the same time, she lives in a two-bedroom that also has a tiny office. So, her rent is a whopping $4,000.
According to her, Mark does have a decent job and never has any issues paying his bills. In fact, he tends to have some funds left over after everything is said and done. But increasing his rent too much would just not be feasible.
She, on the other hand, earns approximately five times more than her boyfriend does. So, she could pay much more in rent than she currently does.
“But I’m more interested in saving and eventually leaving this area, opening my own practice, and buying a home,” she said.
And recently, after Mark scheduled a bunch of apartment showings, it became clear that they had two very different perspectives on how to combine their finances to live together.
Her boyfriend was apparently very excited about the whole idea of moving in together, so she let him take the lead when it came to scheduling the showings.
She also assumed that they would look at apartments that are similar in size and cost to her current apartment since Mark would want to keep his bills either the same or less than what he’s paying right now.
Who is Danny – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only
To her complete surprise, though, she was entirely wrong. For their entire first day of apartment hunting, they looked at a number of luxury units located in some of their city’s nicest neighborhoods. And the average rent for these listings ranged from $6,500 to $7,500.
At first, she did not say anything, and they just looked at all of the units. But then, when they got home later that evening, she confronted Mark and asked what he was thinking when selecting apartments with those price points.
At that point, her boyfriend claimed that he had picked his favorite neighborhoods and units to look at first. Then, he also admitted to not thinking she would mind “upping her costs a little.”
Finally, Mark said that he found some apartments in the $5,500 to $6,000 range and believed that would not be a “noticeable” increase in rent for her.
Still, she was extremely confused and asked her boyfriend how he expected them to split and afford that rent– because, in her mind, the math just was not working out.
“He looked at me like I’d asked the dumbest question in the world and said because he makes 20% of what I make, he’d be contributing to 20% of the cost, of course,” she revealed.
It was at that moment that she had to straighten out her boyfriend’s expectations. She pointed out how while she knows that some couples divvy up expenses based on income-proportionate percentages, she was not interested in that.
Instead, she thought that since they planned to share the apartment evenly, they should split the rent evenly, too.
“We’re not married, and we’re not even engaged. I’m not going to be gifting rent to him,” she said.
Rather than understanding her perspective, though, Mark just got upset with her– mainly because if they chose an apartment where he could afford to pay half, then his rent would stay the same; meanwhile, her’s would decrease.
And she did understand his point. Nonetheless, she claimed that her boyfriend would still be getting a larger apartment in a nicer neighborhood. So, she thinks he would still benefit greatly.
Not to mention, they could always just choose an apartment that is less expensive for the both of them to even the playing field.
Still, the discrepancy was far from addressed– because, then, she decided to bring up other expenses like utilities and additional household costs. It was then that she learned her boyfriend also expected them to split those expenses on a percentage, not evenly.
And she was just not comfortable with that. So, she told Mark the truth and also said they did not have to move in together right now. Instead, she could just get an apartment by herself, and they could revisit this conversation later on in their relationship.
But ever since that conversation, Mark has been treating her really coldly. She understands that her boyfriend looked at their apartment search and finances through a lens of what she “could” afford.
“But just because I can, doesn’t mean I am comfortable,” she vented.
“I’d understand if I personally wanted to upgrade into something that he couldn’t afford, but it’s just not that important to me.”
Nonetheless, with her boyfriend still upset with her, she’s been left wondering if she is somehow in the wrong and how she could possibly reconcile this situation.
Would it be a crazy idea for them to split bills based on income, given their large earning gap? Or is the problem more so that her boyfriend just assumed she would be okay with that and selected super expensive apartments without discussing this with her first? How would you feel in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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