She Feels Like Her Boyfriend Doesn’t Really See Her Or Love Her For Who She Is, And She Isn’t Sure How To Deal With This One-Sided Relationship
This 24-year-old woman has been with her boyfriend, who is 30, for about five years. They have also been living together for over a year and a half.
But she’s recently been considering breaking up with him because she honestly does not feel like her boyfriend is in love with her anymore.
She claimed that, yes, she knows that her boyfriend loves her. However, it just doesn’t seem like he is truly in love with her.
“I know that fades over time, and you can’t feel giddy and blushy about your partner of five years every single day,” she clarified.
“But, for me, the feeling of excitement and romance still comes and goes. I still look at him with awe, kiss his cheeks, initiate hugs, and seek out romantic situations with him.”
Her boyfriend, on the other hand, only initiates this kind of romance sometimes. So, she mostly feels like she is just being clingy, and her boyfriend simply tolerates it.
On top of that, she often feels like her boyfriend doesn’t really see her. Instead, she thinks he views her as a mirror– keeping her around to just reflect his best sides.
She is always there to listen to his problems and complaints. She also happily hears him out as he shares his thoughts on psychology, philosophy, and life as a whole.
Finally, she laughs at his jokes and enjoys his humorous antics. But she feels like her boyfriend never does the same for her.
Impact Photography – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Whenever she tries to tell a story, he listens but just seems less interested. His responses will also consist of things like half-hearted, “mmhm’s.”
And whenever she tries to tell a joke or be funny, her boyfriend never laughs. Instead, he just smiles politely as if to simply acknowledge her presence.
Plus, if they are being silly together, her boyfriend will actually make her feel as though he is trying to upstage her– making her look and laugh at him rather than trying to just enjoy whatever she is doing.
“And it’s really noticeable to him when I’m not laughing. He almost gets disappointed because the status quo is that I almost always give him attention and appreciation when he wants me to,” she explained.
She also realizes that this issue might sound stupid to some people. Nonetheless, she feels like it has really started to take a toll on her.
Just the other day, for instance, she was eating with her boyfriend and brought up how she had recently seen her grandparents. She also got emotional since they were such an important part of her life and are now getting older.
Rather than comforting her or anything, though, her boyfriend kind of just sat there and nodded. He barely even looked at her and just continued eating his food.
“I don’t even know what kind of answer or reaction I wanted. I didn’t want him to pity me or overreact or anything,” she admitted.
“Maybe there wasn’t much more one could say, but he just seemed so uninterested.”
In reflecting on their relationship, she also realized how she was younger– just 19 – when they first met; meanwhile, her boyfriend was older.
So, she wonders if perhaps her personality and self-esteem just were not fully developed yet– leading her to just bounce off of her boyfriend at the beginning.
But they have since been together for a long time. And she isn’t sure why they are still having this issue now.
She knows that other people in her life– like her friends– believe she is funny and appreciate her personality. Even newer friends and her boyfriend’s mother seem to appreciate her for who she is. Yet, he just doesn’t.
She has tried to talk to him about this, too, and wanted to know if she had made any positive impact on his life– since he never shows her through his own actions.
“And I have literally asked if I’m replaceable; if he would be happy with just any other sweet, nice girl who laughs at his jokes and listens to his problems,” she recalled.
“But he says he does appreciate me, even if he doesn’t always show it. And I know he loves me. That’s what makes this so hard and complicated.”
Her boyfriend does take care of her and their home– showing his love by fixing stuff around the house and buying what they need. They also have two cats, want the same things in life– such as kids and a house– and have similar values.
Her boyfriend says he envisions his future with her, too, and claims that whenever he is not being romantic, it’s just because he is tired.
Sometimes, their home is messy, which can throw him off. Her boyfriend also struggles with his own mental health issues and has discussed going back to therapy.
Still, the fact that her boyfriend wants constant understanding and validation– yet never reciprocates that to her– really upsets her.
She has begun comparing their relationship to everything, from television shows to podcasts and YouTube videos. She wants someone who adores her, looks at her in awe, and simply seems interested in her.
“I want to feel close to him, both physically and emotionally,” she added.
“He only seems to think I’m unintentionally funny sometimes, doing or saying something weird or clumsy, laughing at me rather than with me. But most of the time, I’m just… there.”
Her boyfriend never asks her how her day went or how she’s feeling. So, at the end of the day, she just feels like a “generic person” who hangs around, keeping her boyfriend company.
That’s why, nowadays, when she listens to Taylor Swift’s songs, she’s found herself relating to the sad lyrics. And she really has no clue what to do about it.
It’s not like she could ask her boyfriend to think she is funny more often or act as though he is interested. On top of that, their lives are so intertwined at this point that she isn’t sure how to express her true wants and needs.
In turn, she’s been having conflicting feelings every day. And she has even started to wonder if maybe she is the issue– questioning if she is just ungrateful, spoiled, and expecting too much from her boyfriend.
“But I just don’t want to feel like we had a good run for like three years, and the rest of the time, while I’m still young, I’m stuck in a relationship with a man who loves me but doesn’t seem interested in me,” she vented.
So, she’s been left wondering how to handle this tough situation and whether or not she should just deal and be a supportive girlfriend.
Does it sound like she is stuck in a one-sided relationship? How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Is it fair that she is always giving love and support but never gets to be on the receiving end? How should she handle this?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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