This 27-year-old woman recently made a new friend about a month ago, who is 24. But, they have only hung out in person twice and mostly just stay in touch over social media.
She and her friend also causally text nearly every day– sending each other memes and cracking jokes.
Despite having a relatively new relationship, though, her friend has repeatedly treated her like a “trauma-dumping trashcan” ever since one recent incident.
It all began after her friend started talking to someone online nearly every day for a few weeks. Then, after her friend actually met up with that person in real life about a month ago, her friend was essentially ghosted.
And after the person distanced themselves, her friend took that to mean that she was ugly.
Now, for context, she claims that her friend is not bad-looking whatsoever.
“My friend is literally not ugly. She’s more conventionally attractive than me even,” she said.
Yet, her friend has continued to call herself ugly in conversation at least four to five times a week. And even if her friend doesn’t outright say it, it’s clear that her friend is implying it.
She has rebutted her friend’s claims nearly every single time, too, and has made sure to compliment her friend’s looks. Still, her friend either gives her a negative response or just ignores what she is saying altogether.
So, she has recently become sick and tired of hearing her friend’s degrading comments.
First of all, she has no clue how to respond to the remarks anymore because her friend doesn’t seem to care, even when she claims her friend isn’t ugly. On top of that, she has her own issues to deal with.
“I also had low self-esteem when I was younger and made very similar comments. And I had people tell me to stop, which at the time, I felt hurt by,” she explained.
“But I can now see why they made that decision.”
Being that she and her friend are not even really that close yet, she finds it weird that she has become her friend’s “trauma-dumping trashcan,” too.
That’s why she really wants to set a firm boundary in their friendship.
“She is making me uncomfortable, and this is straining my relationship with her,” she vented.
Still, she’s been left wondering how to communicate this to her friend without being hurtful or seeming like the “bad guy.”
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a friend’s constant self-deprecating comments? Can it feel emotionally draining? How do you suggest she approaches this situation?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
