She And Her Boyfriend Got Into A Major Argument Over Diving Up Their Household Chores
When you first move into your apartment, there are a lot of things to adjust to.
One of the biggest things that causes arguments in the earlier days of a couple living together is cleaning and household duties. Not every couple is on the same page when it comes to splitting up tasks, and one person is usually messier than the other.
One woman recently had an outburst with her boyfriend, who she has been frustrated with for not taking on more tidying tasks in their home.
She’s 33 and moved in with her 35-year-old boyfriend about five months ago. They’ve been together for a little over a year. Since they moved, they’ve both expressed that they’ve enjoyed living together.
For the most part, their basic household duties have been divided pretty evenly.
“There are certain tasks I find myself doing more, like cleaning kitchen surfaces and sweeping, and tasks he does more, like mowing and grocery shopping,” she said.
“My issue lies with the less frequent but equally important tasks. Things like changing the bed sheets, mopping, scrubbing the toilet, wiping down windows and mirrors, wiping off furniture surfaces, cleaning the shower, dusting baseboards, etc.”
She’s been stuck doing these more elaborate tasks since they moved in together, while her boyfriend has only done them a handful of times. He’s watched her clean their home this way several times yet has never offered to help or taken on these tasks himself, which has been really bothering her.
Whenever she tries to tell her boyfriend she’d like him to take on more of these cleaning tasks, he gets offended and defensive, telling her that his ADHD makes it harder for him to get these things done regularly, as he often forgets when things need to be done.
JenkoAtaman – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
In the past, her boyfriend has promised to get better about taking care of their space but usually forgets and never follows through.
The other day, she did all these elaborate chores alone once again and had to confront her boyfriend.
Unfortunately, it escalated into a major argument. Her boyfriend blamed his habits on his ADHD again, and she became frustrated with him using it as an excuse, reminding him that he’s got so many great techniques for dealing with his ADHD and his career.
“I said he does amazing at managing his ADHD in his career and in other tasks by using strategies like setting reminders, alarms, putting things into a calendar, etc.,” she recalled.
“He should implement them for housework too if he can’t remember. He told me to write him a list of what needs to be done and when. I said no because I’m not taking on the mental load of being the household manager.”
She then told her boyfriend their household was starting to have a misogynistic dynamic because she got stuck with most household duties and management tasks while he didn’t have to do as much as her.
The argument then spiraled into her boyfriend bringing up things about her that annoyed him, and it got out of hand.
“It ended in me saying I wasn’t going to end up in a misogynistic household where the woman is expected to do most of the cleaning and manage when others clean,” she added.
How should she handle this situation with her boyfriend?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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