He’s Getting Married In A Month, But He Doesn’t Want To, And He’s Not Sure He Has The Courage To Call The Wedding Off
This 35-year-old man has spent six years with his 29-year-old fiancée, and two years ago, she really put the pressure on him to propose.
Before he met his fiancée, he never wanted the traditional relationship. He had no interest in marriage or children since he likes being free to do whatever he pleases.
But then, when he met his fiancée, he began asking her to go out with him since he was instantaneously attracted to her.
As they kept on dating, he thought she was wonderful. She liked how weird he was, and even though she was super conservative, he found her to be amazing.
After they got serious, it never crossed his mind to get married. He just figured they would see where things went and go with the flow.
He knows now that was an enormous mistake. Now, his wedding is a month away, and he thought he would be ready to marry his fiancée when it came time to walk down the aisle, but he is not ready at all.
“I didn’t really want to get engaged,” he explained. “I’ve never been focused on building a home or having children as one of my goals.”
“I rather see myself living a life dedicated to my creativity, creating art, and doing my thing. I have good friends and family that give me all the familial love I need…I’ve never had that craving for a family of my own, nor do I right now.”
“My [fiancée], on the other hand, her dream is to be a mother and start a family. We already spoke about this, and I told her I wouldn’t do this for at least 5 years while I pursued all my projects, but I’m not sure she appreciates how passionate I am about my projects and not having a child right now.”
halcon1 – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
So, he proposed in January, and their wedding is set for December 9th. Over the past couple of months, he’s been anxious and extremely stressed.
Any time that he and his fiancée have a meeting with their wedding planner or family members to talk about the big day, he finds himself either zoning out into space or sinking into a pit of misery.
He has managed to hide it well from all of his loved ones that he doesn’t want to get married, though.
He believes that he and his fiancée want very, very different things out of life, even though they are madly in love, and that’s making him not want to walk down the aisle.
“…I do believe I suffer [from] Peter Pan syndrome or failure to launch or whatever you call it, and I’m afraid that this fear of getting married is just a fear of growing up and taking more adult responsibilities,” he said.
“I love my [fiancée], and it’d be nice to give marriage a try with her, but I’m afraid these insecurities, this immaturity, this inability to grow up is keeping me from taking the chance and getting married. Because here’s the thing: I love my [fiancée] with all my heart, and I would be utterly destroyed if I lose her. I don’t know if I’ll survive such loss.”
His fiancée is the one who pushed to get married in December, as he didn’t want to, but he thought saying yes would make her happy.
She’s the one who also insisted on a honeymoon, even though he wanted to skip it to save money, but yet again, he relented to make her happy.
He doesn’t think they’re on the same page about anything anymore. He’s worried she’s going to push for children next, which he doesn’t want.
In a perfect world, he would live a life focused on his creative and artistic projects, but his fiancée wants to start a family.
He’s so upset about their impending wedding that he’s constantly plagued with migraines, panic attacks, depression, and anxiety.
“We’re one month away from the wedding,” he continued. “Invitations have been sent out, everything is planned, ready, and set. Her dreams are coming true. All our families and friends are invited.”
“I don’t think I have the [courage] to call this…thing off, but I also feel like I’m being crushed between a rock and a hard place. I also adore her nephews, they’re like my own children to me, and it would devastate me to lose them, that’s a huge part of why I haven’t called this whole thing off.”
“Basically, I have to choose between getting married, which is destroying me, and losing the love of my life, which would destroy me.”
What do you think he should do?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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