If you found out that your best friend was cheating with someone of the same gender, would you be willing to keep their secret?
For more than two decades, this 39-year-old man has been close to his 38-year-old best friend. They originally met while working at a restaurant.
They are both happily married and have kids. Their families are ridiculously close, and their daughters complain about how they wish they were real sisters so they could hang out whenever they want. He thinks they are both living the dream and have it all.
He knows everything there is to know about his best friend, and they talk about anything and everything together.
“Including the fact that back in the day, I’d seen him hook up with a guy or two. Never bothered me, to each their own, but his wife was also never informed of his ‘experience’ on both sides of the aisle,” he explained.
“While I told him I didn’t agree with the not telling, it’s not my place to say anything, and it’s his relationship, so it’s always been something I still razz him about in private when we banter, but a secret I’ve been expected to hold without consent for years, nonetheless.”
“Best friend or bro code or whatever. It’s also something he’s said he doesn’t care about, that he loves his wife and they have a great [romantic] life, and he doesn’t act on, so I’ve always written it off as a ‘not my monkeys, not my circus’ moot point.”
Six months ago, his best friend blindsided him by revealing that he’s cheating on his wife with a 33-year-old man, and it’s a full-blown affair.
He always thought that his best friend and his wife had an incredible marriage, but listened as his friend filled him in. Apparently, his best friend met this man on Snapchat, and then things evolved from there.
This man is aware that his best friend is married, but isn’t interested in that and values his career as well as his alone time, so he’s happy being the side chick.
His best friend and this man got gym memberships so they can hang out at the gym too. This man gave his best friend a key to his place, so his best friend frequently works there while telling his wife he’s at the office.
His best friend claims that this man has made his marriage even better, as he’s happier and calmer.
He’s been angry and hurt while trying to get his best friend to stop seeing this man before his life blows up, but last week, his best friend introduced him to his affair partner.
His best friend’s affair partner asked to meet him since he knows all about their relationship. His best friend invited him to grab coffee at a place they don’t usually frequent, and then sprung his affair partner on him.
He sat there awkwardly for 45 minutes, chatting with his best friend’s affair partner before leaving. Later on, he yelled at his best friend over the phone when he questioned him about what he thought of the guy. Ever since then, he’s really been pushing his best friend to end his affair.
While his best friend is messing up royally here, he is too, by protecting his secret. He’s also protecting his life and comfort, as their families are so intertwined.
“So while having dinner as an extended family this weekend and sitting at the table, I zoned out from all of the guilt building up by proxy and almost lost it. I love his wife and his kids and want nothing but for them to have the best life, as a family,” he added.
“But in that moment I realized that my buddy unintentionally has me not only keeping his secret but also lying to my wife, his wife, who is also one of my best friends, the rest of his family… I don’t even want to think what my wife would do or say if she knew that I’ve kept this not only from her, never mind also met the guy!”
“If I say something, I blow up their marriage, a large part of my life, my wife and kids’ lives…beyond that, what would my relationship look like with my buddy after? With his wife? With my wife, after she finds out I knew…”
“I don’t know if I can continue to keep it under wraps, the guilt I felt sitting at that table. As long as I know it’s still happening, I think our dynamics will change, regardless, because I’m honestly too emotional about it after having to face his family, because I care about them too much. So either way, I’m losing.”
He hates that his best friend put him in this position, and he’s not sure if he should tell his best friend’s wife, issue him an ultimatum, tell his wife, or continue keeping quiet.
Well, friends don’t put friends in positions like this. I think he has to tell his wife at the very least, because he’s in deep here after meeting his best friend’s affair partner.
If he doesn’t tell his wife and she finds out anyway, which you know is a possibility, she’s going to doubt his trustworthiness, and that risks ruining his own marriage.
His friend is jeopardizing both of their families and selfishly doesn’t care about that.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
