If you spent years of your life with someone who knew your timeline for getting married and settling down, but then told you that’s not going to work for them because they want to go back to school, what would you do?
For the last seven years, this 29-year-old woman has been dating her 31-year-old boyfriend. They have had their fair share of highs and lows, like any normal couple, but they have made some incredible memories along the way.
She loves her boyfriend tremendously, and there’s no doubt in her mind that this is the man she is supposed to be with for the rest of her life.
Now, back in 2020, they both graduated from college with a degree in biology. They had no idea that the job market was saturated and that there were few options for them.
Three years later, she returned to school for nursing and graduated a year later. Last year, she began working as an RN, and as for her boyfriend, he has a job working as a Pharmacy Assistant and makes excellent money.
“He won’t admit it, but I think it bothers him that I make more money than him. I’ve never made him feel less than me, nor does it bother me that he makes a little less income than [I do],” she explained.
“I’ve told him countless times I’m not with him for his money but because of the person he is. Recently, he has decided that he wants to go back to school for his Master’s in Healthcare Administration. While I’m happy for him that he wants to do more, I guess I can’t help but be a little selfish and think of myself.”
“I told him that I’m happy and proud of him, but I also asked him, ‘Where does our relationship fit in during these next 2 years?’ And by this, I mean marriage.”
Her boyfriend is completely aware of how much she wants to get married, and she’s ready, but he isn’t. She has already spent seven years of her life with him, and she wants to get married and have children soon.
She and her boyfriend both still live at home with their parents, as she doesn’t see the point in moving in with one another unless she has a ring on her finger.
She’s really irritated because she encouraged her boyfriend to return to school for years, and now that she’s going to be 30, he finally pulls the trigger.
She’s turning 30 in November, and she has always told her boyfriend that she expects to be engaged by then and married by 32. She previously underscored to her boyfriend that even being married by 32 is really pushing the timeline longer than she prefers.
Anyway, her boyfriend wants to go back to school to make more money, as it’s really expensive to live in Southern California, which is where they are from.
He thinks that if he can earn more, it will set them up better for a wedding and children. He says he doesn’t have enough money right now to get married or buy her the ring he thinks she should have, despite her saying she doesn’t need an enormous rock.
She has told her boyfriend that getting a Master’s doesn’t automatically equate to a better job with a higher salary, as it’s not realistic.
“Most people [who] go back to school for [a] Master’s are already working in that field, so he needs to network if he wants to step outside of his current position,” she added.
“I really do love him and want to be with him. I’m happy he wants to go back to school. [Am I the jerk] for feeling selfish and frustrated that his new educational goals seem to delay the life we’ve talked about building together? Or am I focusing too much on my own timeline instead of supporting him through this next chapter?”
“Anytime I bring up the subject, he tends to shut it down and uses money as an excuse. Just because he’s working towards a Master’s doesn’t mean he’ll have more money, and I try not to sound harsh when I tell him that, but it’s true. I feel selfish for thinking of my wants and maybe not being as supportive as I can be during this academic transition in his life.”
However, she doesn’t want to put her own goals on the back burner just for her boyfriend, and she wants them both to feel ready to take the next steps in their relationship, not because she’s pushing an agenda.
I think that her boyfriend isn’t ready to admit to her that he’s not down to get married. He knew her timeline, and he had years to get it together.
Going back to school is just a cop out to buy himself more time to consider making her his wife, which I highly doubt will happen. If being married by 32 is so important to her, she has a better chance of dumping him and seeing what else is out there than waiting around for her boyfriend to propose.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
