A month ago, this 36-year-old woman met Travis, 34, on a dating app. They talked on FaceTime on a regular basis, and eventually, they grabbed coffee together and then went out for lunch. Conveniently, their offices were close to one another.
After that, Travis made reservations for dinner at a midscale steakhouse. It wasn’t a chain restaurant, but it also wasn’t too fancy, where it required patrons to follow a black-tie dress code, either.
“I had been clear early on that my purpose for going on dates is an exclusive, monogamous relationship,” she said.
“After we ordered, he brought up the topic of relationships and started saying things like ‘seeing where it takes us,’ ‘casual,’ and ‘keeping an open mind to new experiences.'”
His phrasing stunned her because, during their conversations previously, he’d made it seem like he was on the same page she was about his intentions with dating.
For her, she doesn’t want to rush relationships by any means, and she didn’t think Travis was obligated to commit to dating her exclusively after only a month and a few dates.
However, she is not interested in hooking up early on in dating, and this is what makes her uncomfortable about how Travis phrased his dating intentions as wanting things to be “‘casual.'”
In her view, hooking up should come later on in dating, not early on.
Her goal with dating is to be intentional and to date with purpose. She wants to only date people whom she believes she could envision a future with.
When Travis said he wanted to “‘see where this goes,'” it made her uneasy because sometimes that phrasing is code for, “‘I don’t know what I want.'”
In response, she asked if he had just started to feel this way recently. She then went on to tell him that it was valid for him to want to be in a relationship, but because they were clearly incompatible, they weren’t going to work out as a couple.
She added that it would be upsetting for her, but she accepted how he was feeling.
“He sort of made a weird (nervous) chuckle and said he’s felt that way basically the whole time,” she explained.
As he continued trying to speak, she interrupted and left the table to use the bathroom. On the way to the restroom, she approached their waiter and handed him her card.
She asked him to put the total for the meal on her card, and she requested that he box up her meal for her. After a few minutes in the bathroom, she walked back to the table.
“Travis was starting to ramble, but I cut him off. I said there was nothing wrong with his preference, but he lied to me about it to keep me on the hook,” she shared.
“I don’t appreciate being manipulated or having my time wasted. I am not interested in hookups/casual/friends with benefits, and I was clear from the beginning.”
In her opinion, it’s totally fine for two people to have different dating goals. Her issue with Travis was that he was dishonest about what his intentions were while he knew that she was looking for a monogamous relationship.
Travis wanted to keep their relationship “‘casual,'” which wasn’t what she was interested in. While she wasn’t yelling at Travis, she was direct and obviously furious.
Then, their waiter approached the table with Travis’ meal and her box with her food to go. She let Travis know that she’d taken care of the bill and left the restaurant.
When she got to her car, she realized that Travis had been repeatedly texting her in a rage, claiming that she humiliated him by walking out of this fancy restaurant and leaving him by himself.
According to him, she was acting immature by leaving without giving him the chance to share his side.
But she pointed out that she wasn’t keen on hearing Travis try to justify why he’d been lying about what he wanted.
Without responding, she blocked Travis, so she wasn’t sure if he was going to continue ranting at her.
After she told the story to her friends, they were split on whether or not she was wrong for how she reacted during the date.
What would you have done if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
If true crime defines your free time, this is for you: join Chip Chick’s True Crime Tribe
In 1978, This Mom Of Three From Nebraska Mysteriously Vanished After Visiting A Local Bar
This Towel Rolling Technique That Will Make Your Bathroom Feel Like A Beautiful Five-Star Hotel
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
By Chip Chick
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology. I... More about Chip Chick
