She Went Out Of Her Way To Accommodate Her Sister-In-Law’s Kids’ Food Allergies At Her Own Child’s Birthday Party, But Her Sister-In-Law Still Made A Stink And Claimed Not To Trust Her
Several days ago, this woman threw a birthday party for her son at her house.
Her brother-in-law and sister-in-law have two children, both of whom are older than her son.
She always invites them to family gatherings, so she invited them to her son’s party.
Her in-laws’ children have nut and sesame allergies, so this can make things a bit complicated when trying to go out for meals at restaurants.
Even though she always makes it a point to invite her in-laws to family gatherings, most of the time, they don’t attend, saying it’s because of their children’s allergies.
Despite only living 15 minutes apart from her in-laws, she and her husband don’t get together with them too often.
Her husband and his brother have a fairly good relationship with one another and communicate every day in a group chat they part of with their friends.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a close bond with her sister-in-law. While there’s never been drama, and they’ve never had issues, they don’t have any interests in common.
She’s tried inviting her sister-in-law to brunch and other events, but her sister-in-law never attends.
Africa Studio – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
A month before her son’s birthday party, she sent out invitations, and her brother-in-law responded that they would attend depending on what the menu was.
He didn’t provide any more feedback on what kind of foods she and her family could or couldn’t serve.
Her in-laws and their children attend parties for other children constantly.
Not long ago, she and her husband were at a child’s birthday party with her in-laws, and her in-laws’ children ate pizza and cake.
“So, we decided to order pizza and hoagies with seedless rolls to avoid sesame. Another family member made pumpkin muffins and chocolate chip cookies, and we had a charcuterie board and fruit,” she said.
Her husband wrote out their menu and sent it to his brother a week prior to the party.
After that, his brother said the menu worked for them, and they were planning to attend.
She and her husband ordered a birthday cake, but her brother-in-law said that he and his wife would be bringing allergen-free cupcakes for their children to eat instead.
“Before shopping, I researched what crackers to buy for the charcuterie board, and my husband met with the hoagie place manager to make sure to avoid sesame. The party started, and my brother-in-law called my husband to say they would be late and asked him to set aside pizza for them ‘to avoid cross-contamination.’ My husband explained there were absolutely no nuts or sesame, but okay. When they arrived, they walked past the food, and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law began arguing quietly,” she explained.
When they walked into the party, her sister-in-law didn’t acknowledge her or her son, and after bickering with her husband, her sister-in-law sat down alone.
Besides the awkwardness when her brother-in-law’s family showed up, things seemed to be going smoothly.
Her brother-in-law’s children ate pizza and the cupcakes her brother-in-law brought.
During the party, she realized that her sister-in-law hadn’t been around for quite some time, but she was so busy with the birthday festivities for all of the children that she didn’t pay too much attention to it and later forgot.
The following day, a few family members called her (all separately) to have a discussion with her about her sister-in-law.
“They said she was complaining that there was no food they could eat. She left my house to get a salad for herself and came back to eat it (okay, whatever). Someone asked her why she didn’t want any food, and she allegedly said, ‘There is sesame everywhere. We can’t eat any of this.’ The family assured her there wasn’t and explained the lengths I had gone through to ensure no allergens were present. She said she still didn’t trust me,” she shared.
At the party, her husband’s cousin grabbed a juice box for her brother-in-law’s daughter, and evidently, seeing this made her brother and sister-in-law lose it because they were concerned that sesame oil could have been on the cousin’s hands. Because of this, they said they didn’t want the cousin touching the straw for the juice box because if she had sesame oil on her hands, that could be dangerous for their daughter.
Apparently, her sister-in-law said that they never should have gone to the party in the first place.
Upon reflection, she wants to put boundaries in place with her brother and sister-in-law.
In the past, she has hosted family get-togethers, and she does her best to make sure everyone’s specific needs are met.
Understandably, trying to please everyone can be overwhelming, and she’s oftentimes felt nervous that family members would be upset if she didn’t do everything right.
Now, she won’t go above and beyond to accommodate everyone like she has before because she doesn’t feel like her effort is appreciated.
While she still plans to try to avoid serving foods that contain nuts or sesame to the best of her ability, she isn’t going to stress herself out over it, either.
It seems clear that even when she makes a huge effort to accommodate her brother and sister-in-law, her sister-in-law, in particular, doesn’t seem at all grateful for what she does.
Plus, she doesn’t think her sister-in-law likes her.
She views herself as the type of person who bends over backward to help and please other people, and she adores her family.
Obviously, she would never go out of her way to hurt other people’s feelings, but she realizes that all this work she’s putting in is only damaging to her emotional and mental health.
She feels like she’s learned the lesson that no matter how hard she tries, she can’t make everyone happy, sometimes people will not like her, and she has no control over the emotions and actions of others.
After the ordeal, she doesn’t plan on having a discussion with her sister-in-law or anyone else. She doesn’t want to cause more problems.
In addition, she pointed out that drawing more focus on her sister-in-law could be what her sister-in-law wants, so she would like to avoid that.
If her brother and sister-in-law plan to come to any future family events that she hosts, that is fine with her, but she won’t exhaust herself anymore trying to meet their needs.
On the other hand, if they don’t show up, she won’t really care.
While it would be fantastic for her son to have a close bond with his aunt, uncle, and cousins, he’s lucky to have tons of other family members who adore him.
She doesn’t think the toxicity is worth forcing to keep them in her life or her son’s.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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