It’s perfectly normal to assume that if you have been dating someone for more than a month, that means things are trending in a serious direction.
This 25-year-old woman has been dating a 31-year-old guy for the last two months, and they see one another several times during the week.
They hold hands while out in public, she has a toothbrush at his house, and they’re making plans for the future, such as vacations to other countries, and they even bought concert tickets for August.
She’s met this guy’s friends, he’s met hers, and they have slept together. So, this looks like a committed relationship, doesn’t it?
“The other night we were leaving a party where several people had asked if we were together. On the walk home, we were talking about how everyone assumed we were a couple, and that’s when he said, ‘I’m actually not looking for anything serious right now. I just got out of a 10-year relationship,'” she explained.
“I was completely blindsided. To me, that’s something you disclose within the first couple of weeks, not after two months of dating, acting like a couple, introducing each other to friends, making future plans, and building what felt like a relationship.”
He then added that he’s not seeing other girls and doesn’t feel like it. However, she couldn’t get over the fact that he let her get invested in him and didn’t tell her an important detail that changes their dynamic.
If he had been honest from the start and told her that he was not seeking a serious relationship, she could have made an informed decision on whether she wanted to keep on seeing him.
But since he didn’t disclose that, he took that choice from her. She did get angry and ended things with him, but not before telling this guy to never reach out to her again.
“Now I’m sitting here feeling sad, embarrassed, and honestly a little used. Am I overreacting? Is this just a case of mismatched expectations, or is it reasonable to feel like he should have been honest much earlier about not wanting anything serious, especially at 31?” she wondered.
He totally did use her, and that was his intention; otherwise, he would have been upfront with her about not trying to get into a serious commitment.
He’s immature and a jerk. He knows better than to string women along at his age, yet he did that to her. He allowed her to assume they were a thing while avoiding the “what are we?” chat.
Also, keeping your toothbrush at someone’s house is absolutely boyfriend/girlfriend level, and he did treat her like she was his significant other, only to hit her with a lame excuse to keep his options open.
I don’t buy for a second that he wasn’t seeing other girls or at least looking around, but she doesn’t have to worry about that now. Oh, and she should block him so he can’t come crawling back.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
