Rebecca Meyer
This 26-year-old woman’s father enforced traditional gender roles and the idea that men can’t express sadness or cry. Her family believed that men who cried were weak. When her paternal grandfather passed away, her father didn’t cry during the funeral.
Her dad wasn’t emotionally affectionate toward her or her brother, and she grew up assuming he didn’t love her. She expressed this thought to her mom, who told her that her father loved her but wasn’t affectionate because of his personality and belief in rigid gender roles.
Unfortunately, her father was strict with her brother and projected his beliefs onto him. Whenever her brother was sad and started to cry, their father mocked him and ordered him to “man up.” She was disappointed when her brother grew up to hold the same beliefs their father had.
After graduating from college, she moved out of her hometown and met her fiancé, Jackson, 27, who had the opposite beliefs from her father. Jackson expressed affection often and openly discussed his feelings. She was thrilled when Jackson first asked her on a date. Before meeting Jackson, she had no idea that men should feel comfortable opening up about their feelings in the same way women are.
Recently, four years into their relationship, they got engaged. While her family knew she was in a relationship with Jackson, she made up reasons why she couldn’t introduce him to her family. She was hesitant for her family to get to know Jackson because she knew it might not go well, mainly because her father believes in rigid gender roles.
Up until Jackson proposed, she only ever introduced her family to him via video chats. She always tried to keep the calls short because she didn’t want her family to get to know him. Finally, Jackson asked her why she wouldn’t introduce him to her family, and she was honest with him. Jackson was understandably hurt.
“He said he will respect my feelings, but he did warn me that one day, I’m going to have to face them with him,” she said.
A week after they got engaged, she broke the news to her parents. Her father told her they could come to see her so she could finally introduce them to Jackson in person. She immediately started panicking, but Jackson held her hand and comforted her, so she told her father they could come over for a visit.
“I was tense when they arrived. Dad was his normal self. Dad seemed to approve of Jackson, and I relaxed,” she explained.
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