What Do You Do If Your Partner Wants An Open Relationship?
It Can Be Jarring If Your Partner Requests An Open Relationship
Angelov – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. However, if your current relationship is monogamous, having your partner ask about an open relationship can be jarring. So when this happens, what do you do?
First, You Need To Understand What An Open Relationship Is
allensima – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
A general definition of an open relationship would be any relationship in which one or both partners are free to pursue romance and physical or emotional closeness with people outside of the established relationship.
But An Open Relationship Can Look Different From Couple To Couple
unai – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
The definition I would give – an open relationship is whatever you define it as. This means it will look different from couple to couple.
It Can Be A Lot To Consider
tonefotografia – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
If this is the first time you or a partner has considered an open relationship, it could all be a lot to take in.
You Have Two Choices
BGStock72 – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
However, at the end of the day, if your partner approaches you with an open relationship, you only have two choices – talk with them and see if you’re comfortable with the idea or leave if nonmonogamy is not suitable for you.
Here Are The Steps You Should Take To Decide What’s Right For You
goodluz – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
Before you make that decision, read the rest of this article to see the steps you need to take when your partner brings up an open relationship.
Step 1: Ask Your Partner Why They Want An Open Relationship
Mediteraneo – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
If your partner asks you about an open relationship, you deserve to know why they want one.
These Are Some Common Reasons People Want An Open Relationship
George Dolgikh – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purpose only, not the actual person
Some common reasons people ask for open relationships are:
-Failing at monogamy in the past, so they are being upfront with you about their desire for multiple partners but don’t want to lose you
-Some needs in a monogamous relationship aren’t being met
-A sense of freedom to be able to pursue another partner if they choose (having your cake and eating it too)
-To add a spark of excitement by adding variety to their relationship
-The physical aspect of a relationship is dull/unfulfilling, but genuine love and affection are still there
Find Out Exactly Why Your Partner Wants One
luckybusiness – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
This list is not exhaustive, but these are common reasons people have cited wanting to have an open relationship.
Find out why your partner wants one. This will help you understand where they are at and decide if you want to have a conversation around it or end the relationship right there.
Step 2: Ask Yourself If You’re Interested In Having Another Partner Too
JJ Studio – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
Even if it is your first dip into nonmonogamy, you should use your partner’s inquiry as a chance to explore the idea for yourself.
For example, how do you feel about having a side piece of your own? If yes, it’s a good sign since you are both open to the idea of another partner. If not, explore how you would feel about just your partner having other partners.
SIDE NOTE: Do not agree to an open relationship under duress. If your partner is trying to bully you into letting them have multiple partners, and you are not into it, you need to leave. Consent and caving in are not the same things.
Step 3: Figure Out If You’re Okay With Your Partner Having Other Partners
NDABCREATIVITY – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
So, let’s say you are not into the idea of a side piece for yourself. How do you feel about your partner having one?
Are you okay with your partner having flings outside of the relationship while you remain monogamous?
Step 4: Assess The Pros And Cons Of An Open Relationship
Africa Studio – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
Here is a quick breakdown of a few of the pros of an open relationship:
-Opportunity for new experiences
-The chance to be curious and explore things without losing your current relationship
-Variety/Novelty
-The chance to find new desires previously unknown
Here is a quick breakdown of a few of the cons of an open relationship:
-Potential for jealousy
-Risk of rules/boundaries being crossed
-Risk of wanting to end the primary relationship for a relationship with one of the other partners
-Risk of the relationship deteriorating if the idea of an open relationship was a last-ditch effort to salvage the primary relationship
Once again, this list is not exhaustive, but it gives you enough information to make an informed decision.
If You Want To Be Monogamous, But You’re Okay with Your Partner Pursuing An Open Relationship: What’s Next?
moodboard – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
Regardless if both are you are doing it, or just one of you is, you have to discuss the rules. Each couple who pursues an open relationship gets to decide what that looks like. To pull this off, you need the following:
-Strong communication skills
-Openness
-Honesty
-Trust
Here Are Some Topics To Discuss With Your Partner
Jacob Lund – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
If even one of these ingredients is missing, the only recipe you have is for disaster. So, some topics to discuss if you decide to give open relationships a shot are:
-How much detail about secondary relationships do you want to be discussed
-Dealing with health risks
-How much physical closeness is allowed in the secondary relationships
-How much time do you allow spent with secondary partners (# of hours and days in a week, special days to be spent with the primary relationship, etc.)
-Communication with secondary partners while they are with the primary partner
-How often will check-ins be needed to ensure emotional support and make sure all parties are still satisfied with the arrangements made
A Final Word – You Get To Decide How You Want An Open Relationship To Look
VadimGuzhva – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
If you are both open to the idea, set some ground rules and get out there knowing you each have the support of the other.
If you are entirely against the idea, you need to let your partner know so they can decide if they can be okay with that, or if it’s time to end things, you can find a partner that more closely aligns with your relationship goals.
Suppose you are not entirely on board but not ready to say no. In that case, it might be wise to enlist the help of a therapist or relationship coach to help you navigate the options and negotiate alternative methods of handling the situation.
More About:Advice