The More He Hears About His Girlfriend’s Late Husband, The More It Makes Him Feel Like She’s Just Settling For Him Out Of Convenience And Comfort
This 34-year-old man and his girlfriend, who’s 36, have been dating for three years, and they currently live together.
But, back before they entered a relationship, his girlfriend was married and then widowed once before. She tied the knot with her high school sweetheart, and her late husband sadly passed away about 12 years ago.
Today, she continues to grieve the loss, particularly on anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays.
“I’ve lost people, too, and I understand this kind of pain never truly goes away. You simply get used to living with it,” he said.
“So, when this happens, I give her the space to deal with it, which she seems to appreciate.”
More recently, though, his girlfriend has been opening up about her relationship with her late husband, and it’s appeared to have a positive impact on her mental health.
“The problem is that the more she talks about her late husband, the more I realize he and I are completely different people, and the dynamics of my relationship and hers with her husband are also very different,” he admitted.
For instance, he found out that her late husband would always take charge during their marriage, and she was perfectly okay with that. She even talked about how safe she felt with him.
Yet, in his relationship with his girlfriend, they are always bickering because they both want to be in charge. This was especially evident when they went on vacation last year, and while the trip itself was great, the planning was a nightmare – forcing them each to compromise.
lashkhidzetim – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
He’s also upset that his girlfriend has never once claimed to have felt safe with him. Plus, he knows that his girlfriend and her late husband looked great together, almost like a “good-looking power couple.”
Apparently, her late husband was a muscular guy, built like a rugby player. Meanwhile, he is about the same height as his girlfriend and skinnier than her late husband. It doesn’t help that his girlfriend’s other exes looked more similar to her late husband, too, making him feel like he’s not her true type.
“Aesthetically, my girlfriend and I are more of a mismatch, something she herself pointed out,” he revealed.
“She admitted to us not looking that great together because she thinks that we look like an age-gap couple, which bothers her.”
Aside from looks, his girlfriend has some past trauma as well, and she expects him to text her constant updates on his location if he goes out and whether or not he’s okay. This reminds him of living with his mom, and honestly, he feels pretty emasculated.
Lately, he and his girlfriend had been discussing the idea of getting married and starting a family together. Despite being completely on board with this in the past, he’s beginning to have concerns about his girlfriend’s motivations for staying with him.
“Part of me is feeling that while she likes being with me, she is ultimately settling for me out of convenience and comfort. I’m the safe and boring option,” he explained.
“I’ve always felt that I was more into her than the inverse, and now, I can’t help but feel like maybe there is some guy out there who is probably a better fit.”
He’s terrified of tying the knot, only for his girlfriend to realize that she wants to leave him. And just yesterday, when they had a conversation about why he was holding up their future plans, he finally told his girlfriend all of this.
She heard him out, and she didn’t get angry whatsoever. Rather, she actually just went silent and looked quite upset.
“She simply said she needed some time to think and left to stay at her sister’s place. She eventually texted me, saying that we would talk soon,” he recalled.
Since then, his girlfriend’s sister has also reached out, and she’s mad. She believes that he needs to grow up before he “ruins a good thing” with his girlfriend.
This has left him wondering whether coming clean about thinking that his girlfriend was only settling for him was really the wrong thing to do.
Can you understand why he’s worried? Did he have a right to voice this to his girlfriend? What advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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