She Adopted Teens Aging Out Of Foster Care, And She Resents That They Took Away The Peace In Her Life
For a little under nine years, this woman and her husband have served as foster parents to 26 children.
Four of the kids who have lived with them got permanently placed, and she and her husband adopted three others who were aging out of the system.
By the time she and her husband officially adopted their teenagers, they were all adults. She loves her kids with everything she has, and it’s no different than if she gave birth to them all herself.
“I’ve poured all my love, energy, time, devotion, and money into them,” she explained. “I’ve spent countless hours in courthouses, taught them how to drive, helped them get into college, taught them how to budget, hosted multiple birthday parties, and just doted on them.”
“Some have said we spoil them. We aren’t perfect, but we’ve never even raised our voices to these kids, and we are so, so careful not to enact additional trauma on them.”
Should she or her husband do one little thing to set off triggering their traumas, they quickly turn around and treat them like junk.
It happens time and time again, and she has a collection of awful stories regarding the things her kids have done or said to them.
Some of those are on the minor side; others are so terrible many parents would cut contact if they found themselves in that position.
The worst kid they have is their 22-year-old daughter, who loves to hold everything against them while riling up her siblings to join her side.
undrey – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people – pictured above, a group of young adults hug each other
“I am so tired of being treated like garbage,” she said. “There is a part of me that just wants to run away from it all.”
“Just pick up and move to another state where they can’t visit and keep hurting us. Another part of me knows they are traumatized young people who may figure things out eventually and desperately need stability and love.”
“I don’t want this to be the next 40 years of my life, though. 40 years of my kids treating us like emotional dumpsters and acting justified when they do.”
She wants nothing more than to have wonderful relationships with all of her kids. She wants to be able to text them to ask about how their days are going, but they all like to pretend she doesn’t exist until they feel like replying.
Sometimes it takes them days to get back to her, sometimes her messages go without answers indefinitely.
She wishes she could do normal mom things with her kids, like treat them to lunch or go out shopping with them.
She wishes her kids would attend events with her. She wishes they wouldn’t let her down on Christmas or her birthday because they came up with some excuse to be angry with her.
Many years ago, prior to fostering kids, one of her friends questioned her about why she was willing to go down that path and ruin the peace and stability of her own life.
“I said it was because I wanted to help teens aging out of foster care,” she continued. “I know we were right to do that.”
“But she wasn’t wrong. I don’t think I will ever have a fully peaceful life again, and it is because of them. A part of me resents them for that because it does not need to be this way.”
“I spend so much mental energy trying to figure out how to connect and repair. And they seem to spend most of their energy deciding how upset they are with us today. I’m exhausted and hurt, and eventually, I’m going to stop trying to repair. Because I can’t live like this.”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
Adopting teens was the right thing to do…but it has ruined our peaceful lives
byu/Nerdygirl36 inTrueOffMyChest
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