His Wife’s Upset That He’s Not Forcing His Daughter To Call Her Mom
This 35-year-old man has an 11-year-old daughter named Hayley, whom he had with his ex. His ex sadly passed away nine years ago, but she had exited his life and Hayley’s by then.
So, he was used to being a single dad. Hayley is aware of her mom and what happened to her in a way that’s appropriate for her age.
He asked a therapist to help him have those difficult discussions with Hayley about her mom, and Hayley still goes to therapy on occasion if she has more questions or feels sad about her mom’s demise prior to her death.
Hayley got to meet his 33-year-old wife, Amy, when she was six-years-old. It took him two years of dating Amy to feel comfortable introducing her to Hayley, as he was concerned about Hayley forming a bond with Amy before he knew he wanted to be with her.
Luckily, Hayley and Amy had no problem with one another, and he’s been happy to watch them develop a great relationship over the years.
When he tied the knot with Amy, Hayley wanted to know if she could call her by a nickname Amy’s family uses: Suds.
“Amy was thrilled Hayley wanted to use that nickname,” he explained. “Things were good. There were some questions asked on Amy’s side about what Hayley would call them.”
“She uses first names for most people and nicknames for a few people who have them used most often. There was some grumbling from Amy’s parents at one point about not being grandma and grandpa but Amy told them the decision was Hayley’s and they should hope one day they earn those titles.”
After Amy got pregnant with their daughter Summer (whom they welcomed into the world seven months ago), Amy no longer felt elated about Hayley calling her Suds.
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Amy felt hurt by this, and she also got upset when Hayley would refer to her as his wife or a stepmom. Amy just wanted Hayley to recognize her as a real mom.
He had a conversation with Amy about her feelings, and she admitted that she was hoping that Hayley would have felt good about calling her her mom by then.
She was certainly fulfilling the role of a mom to Hayley, and Amy felt she deserved to be called by that name.
They went to family therapy together, along with Hayley. Their therapist reassured Amy that Hayley did love her, and she didn’t need to be called her mom to prove that. Amy did not feel better, though, and she couldn’t let it go.
“Without saying anything to me, she asked Hayley to let her adopt her. Hayley’s response [was] that she loves Amy but didn’t want to be adopted by her,” he said.
“I found out about Amy asking from Hayley. I was upset. Amy was upset that I was upset. She told me she doesn’t want to continue like things are. She said she wants Hayley to call her mom or some variant of mom at least.”
Oh, and Amy is Hayley’s legal guardian, but she really wants to formally adopt her so that she has a more elevated status in Hayley’s life.
After Hayley came to him about all that, she confessed that she had no interest in Amy adopting her, but she was concerned about hurting Amy further by telling her as much.
Now, Amy is convinced that he’s prioritizing Hayley over her. Amy is insisting he should force Hayley to call her what she wants.
“I asked if that was such a dealbreaker for her, and she said yes because she hates hearing Hayley use her name or her nickname, and she always calls me dad,” he continued.
“Amy has confided in her parents about everything, and they told me I was doing Amy wrong by siding with Hayley over her. They said it’s about respect and not just feelings, and it’s disrespectful for Hayley to not call Amy mom after all this time.”
He’s left wondering if it’s wrong of him to pick Hayley’s side on this instead of Amy’s side.
What do you think?
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