Her Boyfriend Said His Career Will Always Be More Important Than Her
This 28-year-old woman met a great 25-year-old guy on Valentine’s Day, and they’ve been dating ever since. Yet, while he claims to love her, he recently admitted that his career would always come first, and now she’s not sure what to do.
For some context, she and her “exclusive partner” currently live on the East Coast, but he previously relocated from Los Angeles. He went to film school and is an aspiring writer, and he began working in the film industry after graduating from college.
However, her partner was forced to leave Los Angeles due to financial reasons and moved closer to his family on the East Coast around a year and a half ago. That’s how they initially met, and from the beginning, he was very transparent about how he’d been interviewing for full-time jobs in Los Angeles as opposed to just working freelance gigs on the East Coast.
“I continued dating him with a healthy level of hesitancy in understanding he may not be here long term,” she recalled.
“Then, he didn’t get the job, and as we became much closer with each other, he told me that he’s happy in our city and looking to build his future here for the next three to five years, so I really have leaned all the way in with him.”
While this is the healthiest relationship she’s ever been in, though, she also recently realized that she and her partner were in a sort of gray area. To her, it seemed obvious that they should be progressing toward boyfriend-girlfriend status, but “small things” were holding them back.
And since she felt like they could talk about anything together and were able to fully hear each other out, she decided to have an honest talk with him a couple of days ago. More specifically, she asked what his reservations were regarding fully committing to their relationship, and his response changed everything.
She found out that her partner believes he needs to prioritize finding a job in Los Angeles. Moreover, he admitted to really caring about her and wanted her to tag along to the West Coast with him.
To be clear, she has a remote full-time job, so she technically could travel to Los Angeles with her partner for short-term projects. Nonetheless, she doesn’t want to actually live there.
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“This was all very new and upsetting information since we had really found our rhythm finally and just had begun to settle into what our relationship would look like together, and it’s clear it’d be beautiful,” she said.
Additionally, following that first discussion, she and her partner had more conversations about the topic, and things came to a head just last night.
It all began when she asked him to compromise by not prioritizing working in Los Angeles for six months. That way, they could build and focus on their relationship on the East Coast, and she’d receive some reassurance that her partner wouldn’t just leave her suddenly.
“He’s still doing all the film festivals here and networking here. He’s still applying for full-time roles here, like the plan he had shared with me originally,” she reasoned.
Even so, her partner wasn’t on board with the compromise, and he proceeded to share something that totally shocked her. He came clean about how he’d realized his career had to be his top priority, and his relationship with her would have to come in second place for at least the next 20 years.
“So, he’s asking me to risk the fact he may leave any day with very little notice for a job in LA, which could come in three days or five years, but that he will not make any pauses on that and not deny any opportunities that come his way for the period of time I asked him to compromise on,” she revealed.
The most heartbreaking part? She now knows that she will always come second to her partner’s career for the following two decades.
She’s understandably having a tough time grappling with this, too, because she really thought he was “the one.” In fact, she’s usually a more skeptical person when it comes to love, and she still believed that this was the man for her.
“But I also feel like I can’t imagine a life with a partner/future husband where I always take second place,” she vented.
That’s why she’s now wondering if holding onto her relationship with her partner is worth it or if she’d be doing herself a disservice by staying with someone who won’t put her first.
Would you be able to date someone who openly prioritized their career over you? Does it sound like her partner values his personal aspirations more than their relationship? What should she do?
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