Her Therapist Said She Needs To Divorce Her Husband In Their First Session
She didn’t expect clarity in one session, but her therapist looked her in the eye and told her to leave. Not gently. Not cautiously. Just…leave. And that hit harder than she thought it would.
Because no matter how bad it’s been, part of her still hopes there’s something left to fix. Now she’s stuck between what she feels, what she’s been told, and the vows she made a lifetime ago.
And the question hanging in the air isn’t whether it’s broken, it’s whether it’s worth trying to rebuild when someone trained to help doesn’t think it is.
This woman has spent the last 15 years with her husband, and they have four kids together. They are on the brink of divorce, and it’s been like this for a while.
She already has one foot out the door, while her husband has no interest in splitting up.
So, they have just started going to counseling together, and their specific therapist is also requiring them to attend individual sessions.
She can see why this is important, as you have to put work into your own personal development in addition to fixing the marriage, right?
They went to their first session as a couple, followed by her husband having an individual session with their therapist.
When her husband was done, he informed her that he did most of the talking, while their therapist asked him a couple of questions, and that was it.
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Their therapist didn’t have any insights or advice for her husband, which makes sense, as they’re still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase. There’s no way this woman could have enough information to dole out anything significant yet.
“I had my solo session, and IDK how to feel right now. She told me to leave. It’s our first session together. She interrupted me mid-sentence and said, ‘I know that we aren’t supposed to do this, but I have to stop you and say this. You have to leave. This doesn’t get better. What you’re describing is gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse tactics. I can’t diagnose him officially, but this sounds like narcissism, and narcissists don’t believe that they are narcissistic. I was married to a man like this and he doesn’t change,'” she explained.
“I thought that I would feel relieved to have been validated, but it just felt like a gut punch. She went on to say, ‘You’re a giver by nature, and he’s a taker. He will only ever take until you have nothing left to give.’ There was a bit more, and she ended on, ‘I can see that you aren’t ready to leave yet. Do you want to make a joint session appointment?’ I told her I needed some time to process.”
She’s just shocked that their therapist came to such a serious conclusion after one single individual session. She’s not so convinced she’s ready to jump ship, as they have not exhausted all of their options.
However, she’s stuck wondering how on earth she can keep going to joint sessions with a therapist who feels her marriage is already over and done with.
She was hoping to find a therapist who would hear her out, but to find someone so quickly who thinks she should file for divorce? That’s mind-blowing to her.
She’s not sure if she should remain with this therapist or seek out a second opinion.
“This feels messy. I don’t just want someone to agree with me and jump on my husband. That feels like a ‘dirty win.’ Or am I just doing what I usually do and putting his needs ahead of my own?” she wondered.
“I’m just conflicted about EVERYTHING. This is rock bottom. I know this. I can’t continue in my marriage as it is. My husband says that he understands this, he says that he’s ready to do the work, he says that he’s prepared to face the hard truths, and all of that.”
“I want to give him the opportunity to prove whether that’s true, but IDK how to approach this dynamic. I love him. I made vows and I meant them. I WANT my marriage to work, but IDK how to trust my own feelings anymore.”
What advice do you have for her?
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