He Wants To Leave His Disabled Wife For Taking Advantage Of Him
Imagine spending over a decade holding everything together, working long hours, paying the bills, raising kids, and the person you married not only checks out, but convinces you it’s all in your head when you ask for more.
That’s the position one husband says he’s in, and instead of feeling like he has a partner, he feels like he’s being strung along while carrying the load by himself.
This 48-year-old man and his 56-year-old wife have two teen daughters who are 14 and 16. Shortly after his kids were born, his wife developed a couple of health problems, including fibromyalgia, psoriasis, and hyperthyroidism.
His wife took some time off work to get treated, which he was supportive of. He then paid for his wife to get a full-time nanny.
“I’ve worked countless hours since then to make our situation work financially. After a few years off work, my wife decided she didn’t want to go back to work,” he explained.
“She lied (saying she can’t drive, for example, which she does all the time) and fought with her employer and was eventually declared disabled.”
“Since then, she has done essentially nothing. She sleeps until noon every day. The nanny takes the kids to school, makes their lunches, and prepares their dinner before leaving for the day. The nanny also does all of the cleaning. I cook and clean on the weekends.”
He’s honestly left feeling like his wife is taking advantage of him. She’s spent the last 12 years doing literally nothing while hiding behind having to recover from her health issues.
He’s tried to ask his wife to start pulling her weight, and even said they no longer need their nanny, since their kids are teenagers now, but his wife fought back against that.
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Then, he learned that his wife had offered their nanny a lifetime of employment, but never made sure he was cool with that first.
“Her plan is that once the kids leave the house, the nanny transitions to being a full-time housekeeper. My wife’s defense when I confronted her with this is that the nanny is ‘like family’ and it would be wrong to let her go,” he added.
“This feels manipulative – like she’s packaging laziness as kindness. My wife also says that she needs the nanny because my mother is unwell and my wife needs to help my mother.”
“My mother is unwell, but my wife provides minimal support. My mother lives in a care home. My wife sees my mother maybe once a month and takes her to maybe two medical appointments a year.”
His wife also insists that it’s completely normal for women to sacrifice their careers in order to stay home and raise their kids, but his wife didn’t do that at all.
She faked being disabled, got him to fund a nanny, and does nothing for their kids or their household.
He tries to express to his wife that he’s fed up, but she just gaslights him into continuing to go along with what she wants.
“My wife says that everything is perfect, and I’m just having a midlife crisis. She says that she’s willing to fight for our relationship, but when I asked for changes, she said that everything is perfect and nothing can change,” he continued.
“And that I would ruin our daughters’ lives if I end our relationship. So what does fighting for the relationship mean if nothing can change?”
“I feel guilty for leaving someone who has some health issues. But don’t I deserve a supportive partner to recognize that I also have needs?”
At some point, “for better or for worse” can’t just mean one partner gives and the other takes. I don’t think that he’s wrong for wanting a relationship built on teamwork instead of excuses.
The real question is whether his wife ever intended to be that kind of partner, or if she’s too comfortable in the role she’s carved out to ever change.
What do you think?
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