Her Mother-In-Law Body Shamed Her Even Though She Just Gave Birth
Postpartum recovery is already brutal; your body is different, your energy is drained, and your whole life is flipped upside down.
The last thing any new mom needs is someone nitpicking her body as if she’s neglecting herself. That’s what makes her mother-in-law’s comment sting so badly.
It wasn’t support, it was body shaming, and it sent a clear message: no matter how much she’s juggling as a mom, it will never be enough in her mother-in-law’s eyes.
Over the weekend, this 29-year-old woman and her 33-year-old husband went to see her mother-in-law, Judy.
They brought along their daughter, who is six months old. She figured it would be a pretty standard get-together, but Judy completely ignored her and only spoke to her husband.
When she and her husband were alone in the kitchen, she mentioned to him that Judy was being pretty rude, and he promised to speak to his mom.
While she was assisting Judy with setting the table up for dinner, Judy stated that she should join some fitness classes.
“I say I’ve already started, but it takes time recovering, especially after the birth was quite difficult and taxing on my body,” she explained.
“I’ve always taken a lot of care of my health, and to see her attack me like that made me really angry. I stayed calm until she called me ‘unhealthy’ and said she doesn’t think a mom should be neglecting her health like this, and after that, I left and said I need some space.”
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“For the record, I know I’m not unhealthy, and I’m slowly getting back to my old body, but gosh, it takes time, and she can’t expect me to just jump back. I can’t expect that myself.”
She walked out, her husband followed her, and he said they could sit down and hash it all out with Judy. She let her husband know that she had no interest in doing that.
He pushed her still, so she snapped and pointed out that Judy was body shaming her. She kept yelling at her husband when he said he did understand, because he obviously didn’t.
She did end up sitting down to have dinner with Judy (awkward, much?), and on the ride home, her husband sat there in silence.
Her husband brought home leftovers for her, though she told him that she was not about to eat anything that Judy had made. Her husband asked her to ignore Judy and accused her of overreacting.
“I got angry and shouted at him, and I feel guilty but also mad as he then said it was only one sentence Judy said,” she continued.
“He said I don’t need to worry, and he says I’m perfectly healthy and that the older generations can be keen to give opinions on everything. He said to forgive his mum and just move on.”
“I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been attacked, and especially after Judy wasn’t even here for a lot of looking after the baby; it’s mostly been my own parents and us. I’ve told my husband I don’t want to meet his mum again, and he thinks again that I’m overreacting. And I’ve told him that I’d feel upset if he’d go too. I don’t know if this is too far.”
I don’t think she’s wrong for stepping back. Dismissing Judy’s remarks ignores the reality that those digs don’t fade; they sit in your head and chip away at you.
And what hurts even more is that her husband chose to minimize it instead of backing her up. If he can’t see why she feels attacked, then she’s not overreacting; she’s realizing she’s on her own unless he steps up.
What advice do you have for her?
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