Her Husband Held An Intervention With Her Parents After She Asked For A Divorce
Marriage is supposed to mean having a partner who lifts you up when life knocks you down. But what happens when the person you lean on becomes the one tearing you down instead?
For one woman, burnout and mental health struggles have left her exhausted and vulnerable, and instead of compassion, her husband has met her with anger, punishments, and even dragging her parents into a staged intervention.
Now, she’s torn between walking away from the marriage and questioning if her need for space makes her the problem.
Six years ago, this 32-year-old woman married her 36-year-old husband, and he’s the first real, committed relationship she’s ever been in.
Her husband is someone she loves dearly, and he’s smart, hilarious, and enchanting. His one red flag is that he’s forever been something of a hot head.
“Some context first: a few months ago, a situation at work went badly, and I fell into burnout. I’m autistic, and the burnout has made my executive dysfunction much worse. I’ve been on sick leave ever since,” she explained.
“I have very little energy. Even basic things leave me exhausted. I sleep a lot, socialize very little, [and] skip meals. I know it’s bad, but I am doing my best.”
“My husband has been very frustrated that I’m not respecting his needs. We don’t [have any romance], I don’t cook every day, and the house isn’t as tidy as he’d like.”
Some days, her husband has been so angry at her for failing to pick up the house during his time spent at work that he’s shouted at her.
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Other days, he spent hours ignoring her as punishment for not staying on top of their chores. She attempted to inform her husband that she was struggling so badly that she couldn’t manage to get out of her own way.
Instead of being sympathetic, her husband snapped that she was leveraging what happened at work and making her symptoms seem inflated in order to get attention.
She did her best to try to meet all of her husband’s needs while maintaining their home, but she became too exhausted and had to quit.
She once more went to her husband, but he shut her down and insisted he had too much to deal with to listen to her hardships.
“I never know if I am going to make him angry. I have been crying almost every day, and I don’t know if it’s the burnout or if it’s because I can’t be there for him,” she added.
“I felt like it would be better for both of us to take a break. He refused and said that as his wife, it was my legal duty to be there in sickness and in health.”
“Two weeks ago, I finally told him I wanted a divorce. He had a meltdown, and he yelled for hours, saying I was just confused because of my mental health. He apologized later and said I shouldn’t act irrationally like that.”
In the days that followed, she knew she still wanted a divorce, so she finally brought it up once more, which resulted in her husband melting down on her yet again.
Yesterday morning, when she got up and went downstairs to start her morning, she found her husband and her parents gathered around.
Her mom and dad stated that they were super concerned about her. Oh, and apparently her husband went to her parents and staged an intervention, claiming he was worried she was isolating herself.
Her parents gently reassured her that if she needed help, that was something they could deal with together. They pointed out how she needed some stability.
“I cried the entire time. I felt cornered, humiliated, and defensive. I felt like that was not normal. But now I don’t know what to think,” she continued.
“After they left, he said he contacted my GP and psychologist to let them know how bad it is, and booked an appointment with a psychiatrist on my behalf. He said they all care about me and want to help me be myself again.”
“Part of me still wants to leave, but another part of me wonders if they’re right. I still love him. And I’m definitely not at my most stable right now; I am in the fog. To be honest, I feel really selfish and guilty about all of this. I am completely overwhelmed.”
What advice do you have for her?
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