Her Husband Thinks It’s Her Fault That He Cheated
There’s nothing more infuriating than someone stabbing you in the back and then dragging you into therapy just to make it all your fault.
This woman’s husband didn’t just cheat; he put energy into it, effort, planning, and intention. But now that he’s been caught, he wants sympathy, not to take responsibility for his bad behavior.
This 30-year-old woman has spent the last five years married to her 34-year-old husband, and they share a four-year-old daughter together.
On Sunday, she discovered that her husband had cheated on her, and that turned her life upside down. She’s doing her best not to get worked up, since she can already sense this negatively impacting their daughter.
Well, she and her husband have invested hours into speaking about his affair, and then her husband requested that they go to therapy together.
“I told him his actions made me see the real man he is, and I will never ever be able to look at him the same again (He was sending hundreds of messages to different women on every social media, used Tinder and Bumble for meeting, had a secret folder with nudes from girls he knew),” she explained.
“His excuse was, ‘I lost my confidence, or maybe I was stressed, I don’t know, I will go see a therapist to find out the cause.’ I refused to do couples counseling. I don’t think that could ever fix his image in my mind.”
“He blames me for ruining our family and for hurting my daughter by refusing to get over this minor incident, and that I am not showing him love by forgiving and accepting him to try and fix our relationship.”
She let her husband know that he should pursue counseling on his own, though, as he owes it to their child to be a better man.
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She feels the moment he cheated, he killed their marriage, so she doesn’t see the need to go to counseling as a couple.
Her husband is not respecting her wishes and instead, he keeps trying to convince her to cave and fix their marriage alongside him. He is also acting like he did not do anything inappropriate.
If it had just been a one-night stand or if her husband had shown some remorse, perhaps she still would have felt some kind of love for him.
It’s hard for them to separate at the moment, as they share a house and her husband is adamant that they should not split up.
Then, earlier today, her husband revealed to her (while she’s out of town with their daughter) that he booked a session with a therapist.
“He talked about our issue, and the conclusion is: he did it because of me. I was too cold and unaffectionate past years after giving birth (and having no support from him). He created resentment,” she continued.
“When I worked on myself to fix our relationship (these past months) and started being close to him in every way (especially intimate), he convinced himself I’m doing it out of guilt of cheating or I’m doing it for someone else, and that made him justify himself to cheat on me.”
“The therapist also suggested to try work on it cause we don’t seem to have such a big problem. Cheating can be solved. Also, it’s not great to separate with such a young kid involved. The ideal age would be after 10 years old. I’m supposed to try and fix it for 6 years?!?!?”
She’s even angrier at her husband following his therapy session and revelations. She can’t believe he’s trying to pin his cheating on her and saying she wrecked his confidence by getting hers back.
I don’t think he’s genuinely sorry; he’s only sorry he got caught. Because if he truly understood what he’d done, he wouldn’t be trying to twist the knife deeper with every therapy session. She doesn’t owe him another chance, and a divorce seems like the best option for her.
What advice do you have for her?
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