His Wife Is Accusing Him Of Abandoning Their Family Since He Works Long Hours As A Lineman
It’s one thing to resent long hours at work when they’re optional, but when the job is grueling, dangerous, and literally keeps the lights on, resentment can start to cut much deeper.
One man says he’s proud of the career that supports his family’s entire lifestyle, but his wife has grown increasingly bitter about the hours he’s gone. Now every storm cleanup feels less like providing and more like tearing his marriage apart.
This man is married with two little boys who are seven and two. He has a job working as a lineman, and he brings home approximately $130,000 a year.
His wife brings in $40,000 a year working as a therapist online. While he works about 50 hours each week, his wife works about 30 hours each week, all from home.
“I average about 5-10 crisis weeks per year, where we end up working extreme hours, usually in the summer, but it is random,” he explained.
He has seen years that are worse than that, though. On Sunday morning, he had to drive five hours from home to help out after a serious storm hit their state and thousands of people were left without power.
He and his team worked 15-hour days from Sunday through Thursday. He finally got back home yesterday morning, and he slept 14 hours straight. He’s still exhausted and sore from the insane week he had.
When he got out of bed, his wife instantly started a fight over his job.
“She accused me of abandoning her and the children again, me making her my servant because I slept all day, making her take care of the kids all on her own,” he added.
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“I admittedly got too upset and shot back that I’m the breadwinner and those hours are necessary for my good-paying job. She hates it when I point that out and accuses me of being a manipulator.”
“I snapped and accused her of having a cushy office job and not knowing what it’s like to sweat your [backside] off and break your back for days on end. I know that’s not completely fair because her work can be mentally exhausting, but I find it hard not to feel this way when she accuses me of abandonment and not working for her.”
His wife isn’t speaking to him following their argument, and he plans on sleeping on the couch tonight. He’s still heated over the fact that he is the breadwinner in their household, and his hard work makes it possible for them to live in an amazing neighborhood, drive great cars, take several vacations each year, and have financial security.
Also, his wife managed to stay home with their kids for an entire year after they were both born because he makes so much.
He knows their entire lifestyle is held up by the money he brings in. He’s too deep into his career now to find another industry to work in, and even then, he will need to take a massive pay cut. In 10 to 15 years, he can get an office job, but that’s quite a long way away.
He’s in a union that provides his entire family with incredible health insurance. He gets a pension, and he also gets raises.
He’s been working as a lineman since he was 19, and that was five years before he even met his wife, so she knew what she was signing up for with his career.
“I get that my being pulled away for an extended time randomly is stressful, but it is necessary for the lifestyle we have,” he continued.
“It’s not like I’m just going out and having fun drinking with friends; cleanup and restoration work is grueling, and I don’t enjoy it, other than the satisfaction of knowing my team is restoring people’s power.”
His wife only started fighting with him about his job two years ago, following the birth of their youngest, and their fights are only getting worse and worse.
He hates that his wife is resentful of his job, but he doesn’t see how he can fix this.
I think this goes deeper than being about money or hours; it’s about feeling unseen on both sides. He wants recognition for breaking his back to give his family security, and she wants recognition for the emotional and physical load of raising two young kids while he’s away.
Neither is wrong, but the silence and resentment are what’s dangerous here. If they can’t get on the same page and learn how to stop treating each other like enemies, they’ll risk losing far more than the comfort his paycheck provides.
What advice do you have for him?
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