When couples finally decide to live together, it’s generally expected that they’re on the same page about a few key things, such as finances and relationship exclusivity. But for this woman and her boyfriend, that’s sadly not the case at all.
They’re both in their 40s, previously divorced, and have no kids. And after dating for nearly a year and a half, they’re currently planning to move in together.
Yet, for months, she has been asking her boyfriend how she’ll contribute to their household, whether that’s through paying bills, buying groceries, or giving him a fixed amount of money.
“And now that I have less than a month to move and vacate my previous place, he tells me that he considers it fair that I pay almost half of his mortgage plus half of all bills,” she said.
One reason she has an issue with this is that her boyfriend already earns twice as much as she does. Moreover, in past discussions about the future, they’d discussed getting a prenup and keeping all of their finances separate if they were ever to tie the knot.
Why? Well, her boyfriend has his own assets, and she’s still resolving $30,000 in debt from her divorce. But if she starts paying half of the mortgage, that complicates things down the line.
To make matters worse, her boyfriend has supposedly never said that he loves her and has only had open relationships in the past. So, despite her being monogamous, he hopes she’ll change her mind about being polyamorous one day.
“And he said if he were with someone else, he just would not tell me,” she revealed.
The real icing on the cake, though, is that, ahead of their move-in, her boyfriend wants to iron out an agreement regarding their financial contributions.
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Given his interest in open relationships, she asked if they could make the document “more comprehensive” by adding other clauses about partners.
For instance, she wanted to include a clause stating that her boyfriend couldn’t bring any romantic partners to their shared living space. But while many people would probably find that very reasonable, her boyfriend actually got offended and only wanted the agreement to cover financial obligations.
“I’m already feeling uneasy about this. I’ve been crying all day,” she vented.
“I divorced someone who was emotionally and financially abusive.”
Her boyfriend, on the other hand, was forced to pay a lot of money to his ex-wife following their split, so she thinks he’s still sour from that situation, even though he’s in a good place with money now.
Anyway, she admitted that she can afford to pay nearly half her boyfriend’s mortgage as “rent.” Nonetheless, it would severely affect her ability to resolve her $30,000 debt.
That’s why she believes her boyfriend is only really trying to help himself in this situation, and now, she’s unsure if being against the mortgage payment split is really so crazy.
Would you be able to move in with a significant other who hasn’t even said they love you? Should she trust her gut and get out before she gets hurt?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
