Plenty of people have found themselves stuck in one-sided relationships, bearing the brunt of the emotional and financial load. If you can relate, can you imagine if you actually kept track of all the purchases you covered on your partner’s behalf? How much money would they truly owe you?
This woman did just that, and the total is pretty staggering. She’s been with her boyfriend for nearly four years now, and over the course of their relationship, she’s covered practically all of their expenses.
“He was in school finishing his degree, while I already had the house, the cars, and a full-time job,” she noted.
So, during the past few years, he’s racked up a bill of over $35,000. And she fully expects him to pay her back.
To paint the full picture of their situation, we have to dive into their backstories. She’s been a hard worker from a young age and has held down at least one job ever since she was 14. Then, she attended college full-time and worked two jobs simultaneously to graduate without any debt.
And following graduation (and a year spent working in her field), she decided to move back home and accept a different position. While it wasn’t related to her degree, and she didn’t actually like her job, it allowed her to make a solid salary.
“I hated the company with a passion, but I stuck it out and saved. By 30, I had over $42,000 in my 401 (k), my own house, paid-off cars, and financial stability,” she explained.
“I recently left that job for my mental and physical health, and now I work in my degree field at a job that pays less but brings me much more happiness. Everything I own, I worked incredibly hard for.”
Her boyfriend, on the other hand, had a different trajectory. He took mostly online classes during college, partly due to the COVID-19 pandemic and otherwise because his degree was in technology. Regardless, he’s never been able to hold down both classes and a part-time job.
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That’s why her boyfriend has cycled through six different jobs during their relationship. And sometimes, he’d deliver on the side for DoorDash, but only when he “felt like it.”
Because he wasn’t working, her boyfriend spent much of his time either in class or playing video games. To be clear, she loves gaming too, but it became increasingly tough for her to come home from a 10-hour shift to see that her boyfriend had just been sitting in front of his computer for 18 hours.
Despite not working, he also ran up a lot of credit card debt, in addition to the money that he personally owes her.
Apparently, when they initially moved in together, her boyfriend promised that he’d help with both rent and bills. Sadly, three months passed by, and he never followed through on his promise. That’s when she started a tally of what her boyfriend owed her, adding only “bigger expenses” to the list.
“Things like half of a rental car he swore he’d cover, the dog he begged me to get, his vices, the car I bought for him to drive, and tuition,” she explained.
All in, her boyfriend now owes her a grand total of more than $35,000. A large part of this (about $25,000) is his portion of their rent, which he hasn’t paid for four years.
According to her, she didn’t start tracking this to hurt her boyfriend, either. She simply knew that her boyfriend had agreed to pay her back, and she thought she’d forget how much he owed her.
Anyway, when their financial situation eventually took a turn, and money became tighter, she and her boyfriend agreed to a new plan. He said that once he got a higher-paying job, he’d cover their mortgage until the payments equaled the rent that he owed her. Plus, her boyfriend stated that he’d just pay her back for the rest of her help in time.
As of today, though, her boyfriend still doesn’t have a job related to his degree. He just works at a part-time job for around 12 hours per week and was supposedly hired for another gig. However, he claims he hasn’t started yet due to the team “not communicating.”
Given how much money he owes, her boyfriend recently proposed the idea of starting a joint bank account. That way, he could deposit funds, and she’d be the only person able to withdraw them. It was this discussion that caused them to circle back to the big figure looming over their heads: $35,000.
Her boyfriend keeps saying that he’s going to “take care of her.” Moreover, he has tried arguing that if it were she who owed him money, then he wouldn’t actually force her to pay back the debt.
“My logic is: he promised to pay me back, and I value keeping promises. He doesn’t. For example, once he swore on his dad’s ashes that he’d do the dishes…and never did. Who even does that?” she asked.
So, at the end of the day, she still wants her boyfriend to reimburse her for all the expenses she’s covered over their relationship. She doesn’t care how the money comes in, whether it’s submitted in monthly payments of $200 or a lump sum in the future.
“But I feel like he expects me to just forget the $35,000 and trust vague promises of a ‘better life later,’ even though he has a hard time keeping small promises, let alone big ones,” she vented.
What complicates this situation even further is the fact that her boyfriend has already asked her father for permission to propose in the future, and her father gave his blessing.
Nonetheless, she still wants her boyfriend to pay her back the $35,000, and she’s not sure if that really does make her a jerk or not.
Hasn’t her boyfriend proved to be unreliable already? If he can’t manage to pay basic bills, do you think he’ll be able to repay her the $35,000? Should she stick it out and keep trusting him or cut her losses?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
