When you dump someone to protect your daughter from their cruel child, how do you stop waiting for an apology from a person who is fundamentally incapable of seeing the problem that they made?
This 46-year-old woman spent six years with her 47-year-old boyfriend. They both have two kids, and her daughter is 11 while his is 13.
Their girls had some kind of falling out over a small issue, and then her boyfriend’s daughter created an online group with other kids from her daughter’s school on Snapchat, where she bullied her daughter.
“In the group, she sent photos of my daughter undressing, asleep, and in ugly poses that were taken by surprise in an attempt to [get] my daughter laughed at,” she explained.
“She had done this once before to my daughter, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she blamed another kid. Then she did it to a former friend at her high school, and the girl punched her in the face.”
“Her mother got a restraining order on the girl who punched her, and the daughter was treated like a victim. When she did it to my daughter, I showed her father and sent a detailed email to his ex-wife, who is high-conflict, asking her to address it.”
Her boyfriend’s ex-wife didn’t do a single thing, and her boyfriend simply told his daughter that he was disappointed in how she acted.
Aside from that, her boyfriend’s daughter received no consequences, and her parents failed to step in. From there, her boyfriend’s daughter went to her daughter’s school with another girl she had enlisted to bully her daughter.
Her daughter was terrified, so she called her boyfriend in a fury, demanding to know what his daughter was doing. Her boyfriend replied that he didn’t really know what was going on, so she dumped him on the spot.
She felt traumatized, as she was genuinely in love with him, and she’s been having a tough time accepting the end of her relationship.
However, she has stuck to her choice to dump him, since he never said sorry. Her boyfriend thought he did enough to parent his kid, and he just accepted her breakup decision.
One month later, she learned that her now ex-boyfriend’s daughter and that other bully have become close friends and they hang out constantly. She did confront her ex about it, who didn’t bother responding to her.
A couple of more months went by, and she discovered that her ex’s daughter and the bully were palling around every single day, so she once more called him, hoping for some kind of explanation.
Her ex stated that he tried to prevent his daughter from hanging out with the bully, and since she was with her mom, he wasn’t aware of her hanging out with the bully.
She reminded her ex that he could see his daughter’s location through her phone, and since he’s legally responsible for her, he should know where she is constantly. She did not talk to him after that.
“Today, seven months after we broke up, I have found out that his daughter and that girl are still best friends. This upsets me greatly, but I don’t know if I am overreacting. Please be honest and not just tell me what you think I want to hear,” she added.
“I have been struggling to get over the heartbreak. I loved him dearly and miss him terribly. He told me he loved me. I don’t understand why he would allow this to continue, knowing how I felt about it. I broke up with him over this, so why isn’t he now at least acting as if he cared about [my daughter’s and my] feelings?”
“Why is he doing this? I feel like, out of respect for me, he should put a stop to that friendship, which is what I asked for at the very start, to show that he cares. A 6-year relationship ending so badly is horrible and hard to get over, but this feels like he is sticking the knife in.”
She feels like that friendship is an insult to her and to her daughter, and she’s not sure how to move on, even though these kids are no longer bullying her daughter.
I get that she loved her ex a lot, but he didn’t love her back or feel the same way, or he would have done something about his nightmare of a kid.
Her ex is a lousy dad for sure, and she did the right thing dumping him to protect her daughter from his kid. It’s obvious he has no intention of learning how to be a better parent or shape his daughter’s behavior, so she has to move on.
She can’t let it bother her that her ex’s daughter is friends with her daughter’s bully. All she can do is keep her own child away from these girls.
At the end of the day, she has to stop waiting for an apology on her ex’s behalf, because it’s never going to come, and she needs to quit worrying about what his kid is doing.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
