There really is no one-size-fits-all for a wedding, as they can be planned the way a bride and groom want, even if it’s unconventional and doesn’t stick to tradition.
But would you want to go to a wedding where you have to pay for your own food and you can’t bring a plus one, or does that not sound like a wedding to you?
In July, this 26-year-old woman’s 26-year-old best friend, Carly, is getting married following her engagement last December. Recently, Carly called her up in tears because not a single person is excited about her wedding.
Carly went on to say that she obviously knows why, and that wasn’t wrong; she’ll tell you exactly why nobody wants to attend Carly’s wedding.
Now, Carly has spent the last 12 years with her fiancé, and they have broken up multiple times due to him, so she can’t say that anybody likes this guy. Strike number one.
“He also didn’t propose properly, just said they should be engaged. No ring, nothing, and it is a pattern that she will beg for him to be active; he gives her crumbs, and she will try to convince everyone (even herself) that it is the best thing anyone has ever done for anyone,” she explained.
“When talking about the upcoming wedding, every sentence is about what he wants and how he will enjoy the day, and there are two main aspects, which I know her other friends and family dislike.”
The first aspect throwing people for a loop is that plus ones aren’t possible. For instance, her husband isn’t invited to attend the wedding since he’s not friends with Carly and her man. Nobody is allowed to bring a plus one unless they are extremely close to Carly and her fiancé.
The plus one rule Carly is sticking to is strange because it is reasonable to not want random people or short-lived boyfriends/girlfriends in a wedding, but to exclude spouses or engaged partners simply for not being best friends with the bride and groom is weird.
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The second aspect that’s bizarre about Carly’s wedding? Well, everyone has to pay their own way.
“There will be no expenses paid for the guests. No save the dates or invites, no venue, there will be a reservation in a restaurant where everyone will pay for themselves, and if someone wants cake, they can bring one or order off the menu,” she added.
“To be clear, I don’t have anything against someone wanting to keep a wedding small and inexpensive (even though she is not short on money, but it is her choice how to spend it), but I understand how the way she describes her wedding day sounds quite unappealing, especially since some of her guests live a few hours away and some even in another country.”
“I tried to hint at these things in the past few weeks (and she knows how me and [our] other friends feel about her fiancé, we just gave up talking to her about it a few years ago, after she took him back a 4th time) but after that call, it is clear she still doesn’t know or doesn’t want to see.”
She’s not sure how to clearly outline to Carly why nobody wants to go to her wedding, since she does believe a bride is entitled to celebrate her big day as she pictures it.
But since Carly does want her guests to be happy and excited about the wedding, she’s missing the mark, and that’s why she’s weighing telling Carly how much of a disaster her wedding sounds.
However, if she does give Carly that dose of honesty, she’s going to put Carly in a position where she will have to go with what her fiancé wants or make it more attractive for guests to attend.
Carly’s fiancé sounds like a total cheapskate since he’s driving the bus on the wedding plans, and no, this does not come across like a wedding to me.
Asking people to show up with wedding gifts while making them pay for their own food is atrocious, and I bet if Carly wants to keep the wedding this way, she will be lucky to have one guest even show up.
Carly is settling for a man who can’t treat her, or anyone else, the right way. Maybe she should steer the conversation in that direction and try to save Carly from a lifetime of being a doormat.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
