How would you feel if the person you were about to marry treated you like an ATM, refused to hold down a job or do housework, and was already sending you into financial ruin?
Would you still want to tie the knot with them, since you did make a commitment to be with them already, or would you run for the hills and save yourself from certain bankruptcy?
This 30-year-old woman has spent the last six years with her 33-year-old fiancée, who is her best friend. However, her fiancée has one enormous problem that has left her wanting to end their engagement.
Her fiancée quits every single job she has, and then uses their savings to fund her lifestyle for months at a time, until she can find another job.
“The first time, she lived on her own savings for 6 months, then dipped into mine for a further 2. The last two times, including currently, she has been living off mine entirely, because she doesn’t work long enough to save for herself again,” she explained.
“Once the money runs out, she will find a job and believes it’s ‘divine timing,’ but for me, this is terrifying. I grew up with financially unstable parents; we often went without and were even homeless for a few years, so security is essential to me. I don’t want to be rich, I just want to feel safe.”
“After 5 years of saving for things like a wedding, children, holidays, and a house, we have nothing. I’m now worse off financially than when we met. Each time this happens, my savings are drained, I carry the financial and emotional burden, then come home from work to cook, clean, and keep everything running while they disengage, sleep all day, and play on their phone.”
She has had never-ending conversations with her fiancée about how she is ruining them with her poor choices. She sobbed and pleaded with her fiancée not to quit a position until she has secured another one, but she doesn’t listen.
While her fiancée says sorry and promises she will do better, she falls back into her bad habits. She has no motivation or work ethic, and it has become completely disgusting to her.
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She only has enough money in the bank to support herself and her fiancée for another two months, if that, and if her fiancée can’t manage to land a job immediately, they’re going to be destitute.
“I’m torn between wanting to leave and feeling like I promised to marry this person, I promised to work through the bad times, and to carry us when she couldn’t,” she continued.
“I know we aren’t married yet, but shouldn’t that apply even now? I keep telling myself that this is what a wife would do. But this version of them isn’t who I agreed to marry, and I’m scared of waking up in five years, either wishing I’d acted sooner or regretting ending it.”
Yikes, if she follows through with a wedding to this woman, she’s going to end up in a mountain of debt she won’t be able to dig herself back out of.
While I feel for her and understand why she doesn’t want to be painted as a bad partner, she is allowing her fiancée to take advantage of her, and I don’t see this changing.
She’s cried and begged her fiancée to stop to no avail, so you know this woman isn’t going to wake up one day and magically make it happen.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
