If your spouse cheated on you and had an affair child with that person, would you be willing to allow the affair partner to issue you an in-person apology?
This 48-year-old woman and her 50-year-old husband have been best friends for three decades and an official couple for 21 years. They tied the knot 17 years ago and have two teenage kids together.
Unfortunately, her husband cheated on her and got his affair partner pregnant, and she didn’t leave him for doing any of that to her.
“Our situation is extra complicated by an affair child. I know…you couldn’t do it…trust me, that was my gut response also, but I am taking time before making ultimate decisions,” she explained.
“I’m also in my last term of grad school and am trying to muddle through research and projects while covered in my own tears and snot and dark thoughts.”
Her husband promises he’s the only person to blame in this situation, as his affair partner isn’t the kind of woman who would ever engage in homewrecking.
Her husband maintains that his affair partner is super sweet, and he misled his affair partner by saying he was interested in leaving his marriage.
“Don’t get me wrong, I definitely blame him! However, the AP knew he was married with children, was 39 when she became pregnant, decided to keep the pregnancy, and when he did not immediately leave me she pushed him away,” she added.
“Once the child was born, they tried again, but he still did not leave, and it evolved to co-parenting (all behind my back). So her now 2-year-old child is my children’s half-sibling.”
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“The AP is forever thrust into my sphere of existence. And she recently told him that she guesses she will eventually need to apologize to me to my face. This makes me feel ill. Should it?”
She does think her husband’s affair partner’s intentions are well-meaning. She does think this woman has come to see that the affair has given her trauma, which she doesn’t deserve, and will have to spend the rest of her life working through.
But, there’s a part of her that has a hard time viewing the apology as solely for her benefit. She thinks it’s to help this woman feel less guilty.
Additionally, she’s not sure how she’s supposed to come face-to-face with her husband’s affair partner when she completely hates this woman.
“I’m not sure why I would want an apology from her. I don’t know her, I don’t like her, and I don’t respect her. Maybe she can journal an apology for her own benefit if she wants to, because inflicting it on me feels like it would be more about providing herself with closure anyway, and would likely just cause further pain,” she continued.
“Just another way for her to insert herself into my life without my consent. I honestly feel like it’s a stupid and thoughtless suggestion.”
“And that some people wear ‘niceness’ like a costume. If she were genuinely so nice and thoughtful, it’s unlikely we would be in this circumstance to begin with.”
She should tell her husband’s affair partner to take a hike with that apology. I don’t think this woman’s apology is meant for her at all; it’s selfishly intended to relieve her own guilty conscience.
I think she will find more peace in not speaking to her husband’s affair partner.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
