It takes a remarkable amount of grace to look at the innocent child of your husband’s mistress and decide you are going to love them anyway.
But how do you co-parent with a woman who is completely furious that your husband chose his marriage instead of being with her and his new child?
This 41-year-old woman has spent more than two decades with her 43-year-old husband, and they have two children together who are 9 and 16.
Recently, they completed building their dream home with literally their own hands, meaning they didn’t rely on contractors, just themselves.
“We did the work for a 4,000sqft ranch with a walkout by ourselves. It took 4 full years. It was a ton of work. It took a toll on us mentally, emotionally, and financially. It is something to be proud of, though,” she explained.
“This man is my very best friend. I love him more than any one person should love another. I won’t go into the details of the affair or my reasons for staying in the relationship.”
“We have had time to talk through every piece of the whys and hows and childhood wounds and our shortcomings towards each other in the marriage and everything that led to the affair.”
In light of her husband cheating on her, she’s been putting in the work to heal herself. As for her husband, he’s truly been making the effort to mend their marriage because he’s only interested in reconciliation.
They have gained ground here in a meaningful way, and she has made the decision to stand by her husband and remain in their marriage, but something has come along to throw a wrench in their plans.
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His mistress is pregnant.
She doesn’t want to bar her husband from being in his child’s life if it’s possible for him to maintain a relationship with this kid (because who knows what his mistress will or won’t do right now).
“So I foresee in my future having a home with my children and his child all at the same dinner table. I believe I am capable of loving this child and not making them feel less than,” she continued.
“I do have concerns about what the affair partner will say about my husband and [me] to the child. Because she is extremely upset that he isn’t leaving his marriage to be with her. So I want to do the best that I can for that child to feel peace in our home.”
“….I have to say that I am not a saint. I have caused a ton of pain in my marriage in different ways. I was crazy at times. If this were a LifeTime movie, I don’t know how I would be depicted. And I would be embarrassed if anyone in my real life saw this post and thought I was trying to gain sympathy as a victim or validation as something other than a human [who] has made mistakes, but is trying to do things the right way now.”
She’s curious if anyone has insights on how to make her husband’s affair child feel welcome in her home or what she can do to excel as a stepparent to them.
She’s a remarkable human being for being so forgiving that she won’t hold anything her husband did against his kid. I do think she should require her husband to do all of the care with the baby when they arrive, including any diaper changes or feedings.
And then from there, she should still largely require her husband to be the caregiver when the child grows older, because it’s not really fair for her to be expected to do the work.
I don’t think she should worry herself with what her husband’s affair partner will say to the child; she should just love them regardless, like she said she would, and let all of the truth come out, because it will on a long enough timeline.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
