I really do believe that we all have a breaking point and can only take so much disrespect before there’s no coming back from that.
After years of her stepdaughters attempting to break up her marriage due to the lies their mom fed them, they suddenly want to have a relationship with her, except she’s done and not interested in making them her new best friends.
This woman and her husband are both 50, and they met 19 years ago, exactly six months after her husband got divorced from his ex-wife, with whom he has two daughters.
One year into dating her husband, she had the opportunity to meet his girls, who were seven and five back then. As she said, her husband and his ex were already divorced at the time, and they split custody equally.
“From what I understood back then, their marriage and divorce involved a lot of jealousy, accusations of cheating, and just overall drama,” she explained.
“I want to be clear — I had absolutely nothing to do with their marriage ending. I met him after everything was already over. When I first came into their lives, we actually had a really good relationship.”
“We were close. After their dad and I got married, we stayed close for years. It honestly felt like the kind of stepparent relationship people hope for.”
But when her husband’s oldest daughter hit the age of 12, she began asking questions about what had gone down in the divorce. Apparently, her husband’s ex had told the girls she was to blame for the divorce because she was the affair partner.
This was a complete lie. Regardless, the girls listened to their mom and pulled away from her. They also grew rude, and their bond deteriorated.
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She can’t fault the girls, as they were only children, and she knows children like to buy into what adults tell them. As the girls turned into teens, then adults, it was increasingly more difficult to ignore them.
The girls are 25 and 23 currently, and they have barred her from significant family events, attempted to convince her husband to divorce her on several occasions, and threatened to cut her husband out of their lives if he remained with her.
“There were times I basically wasn’t allowed at holidays or family events if they were going to be there. They also didn’t want much to do with their siblings (my kids with my husband),” she added.
“Over the years, my husband and I tried to explain the timeline and that I had nothing to do with their parents’ marriage ending, and that he never cheated. They never believed us.”
“Recently, their mom started therapy after getting into a new relationship and apparently realized some of her past views on cheating weren’t accurate. She ended up apologizing to the girls and to my husband and admitted that I wasn’t involved in their divorce and that he didn’t cheat.”
The truth leaked out at the birthday party of her husband’s youngest daughter, which didn’t happen too long ago. Following the party, her husband’s daughters actually did say sorry to her.
They expressed an interest in wanting to mend their bond and somehow return to the relationship they had all those years ago when they were little kids.
While she appreciates and accepts their apologies, she replied that there isn’t a way for them to be that close anymore after all they’ve done to her.
There’s no magic rewind, wipe-the-slate-clean button here. She’s fine with acting in a polite way to the girls and encountering them during the holidays, but she doesn’t want to make them her besties, considering the damage.
“They’re adults now and living their own lives. The oldest is already engaged, and I’m sure they’ll both have their own families soon,” she continued.
“I don’t hate them. I don’t want drama. I just don’t feel like I can emotionally go back to how things were before. I just want to live my life, finish raising my kids, and have peace.”
She’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for having no interest in resuming a close bond with her stepdaughters.
Saying sorry doesn’t automatically absolve you of your sins, and her stepdaughters need to realize that. She showed a lot of grace in accepting their apology to begin with, but that doesn’t mean she owes these girls a close bond.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
