If you found out that your spouse cheated on you during your engagement and then had an affair child they kept hidden from you for years, what would you do?
This woman feels like her life has turned into a drama straight out of Hollywood, and she never pictured things turning out like this.
She’s 32, and she has been married to her 49-year-old husband for the last six years. Her husband is retired from the military and currently runs his family’s business.
“He’s still very active, muscular, and honestly, the kind of man people notice. We met when I was 24. We had what everyone around us considered a very strong relationship,” she explained.
“Yes, there is an age gap, and people have always had opinions about it, but most people who knew us would say we were a great couple. We built a life together, got married in January 2020, and now we have two sons (4 years old and 7 months old).”
“Last week, after we returned to the USA from visiting my family in Italy, my husband sat me down and told me something that destroyed me. He has another son. The timing is what hurts the most.”
Back in November of 2019, she and her husband were engaged, and they were in the middle of putting together their wedding for January of 2020.
They were unquestionably in a committed relationship. But as she was excitedly getting ready to be her husband’s wife and thinking she was the only girl he had eyes for, he was involved with someone else.
The woman her husband was having an affair with was an employee working for his family’s company. She actually met her at the beginning of 2019 when her husband invited her to come to his office, and she had no clue that they were getting romantic.
“My husband admitted that their relationship started while we were together, so yes, he cheated on me. He says he didn’t know she was pregnant or that he had a child,” she added.
“She left the company in the summer of 2019, and according to him, she contacted him in 2024 to tell him. He secretly took a DNA test, and it confirmed that the boy is his. He only told me last week.”
“So for roughly two years, he knew he had another child and chose to keep it from me. During those two years we were raising our son together, I became pregnant again, gave birth to our second baby, and had absolutely no idea.”
She just doesn’t know where to go from here, especially since this little boy is her husband’s, and they look exactly alike, which is so jarring to her.
Her oldest son resembles the little boy, and so seeing this kid’s face made it all the more real to her. Her husband’s affair child and his mistress moved to France last year, and her husband can’t be involved in their daily activities; however, he’s been giving his affair partner money to support the little boy after the paternity test results came back.
Her husband wants their kids to meet the little boy one day, and he doesn’t want them to be upset about him preventing them from having a bond with their sibling.
She truly does get where her husband is coming from, and the little boy is not to blame for the affair, but she’s still furious and sad.
“Because my husband didn’t just cheat. He took away my ability to make informed choices about my own life. He let me marry him without knowing. He let me have children with him without knowing,” she said.
“He let me spend years believing I knew everything about my marriage. And now I’m wondering what else I don’t know. The confusing part is that everyone around us thinks we have such a perfect marriage. Our families think he is an amazing husband and father.”
“And honestly, he has been a good father to our boys. He has been loving and supportive. He has provided for us. He has done many things right. That is what makes this so complicated. If he had been terrible our entire marriage, maybe this would be easier.”
Her husband has been nothing but wonderful, and she loves him. She feels like she should not still be in love with him after what he did, but she can’t help it.
There are very few people who know about the affair child, including her husband’s mom, who is livid, and her husband’s brother. Her own family does not even know, and she’s not convinced she should tell them about it.
Additionally, she’s struggling with how to structure the future for her kids because they will most likely meet their half-brother, and she doesn’t want them to hate him.
She wants her kids to show their half-brother love, not hate. She doesn’t want her children to make this boy feel like he’s an outsider or a mistake.
“But I also don’t want to pretend that the circumstances don’t hurt me. My husband says he understands why I’m hurt and that he regrets hiding it. He says he was scared that telling me would destroy our marriage and our family,” she continued.
“But part of me thinks he made that choice for himself, not for me. He protected himself from the consequences while I unknowingly lived a different reality.”
She is thinking that marriage counseling could help, but she needs more than just that.
Her husband is deeply selfish and prioritized his own comfort over hers. I can’t get over him having a wedding and kids with her, knowing he had an affair and a child that resulted from that. He did take away her right to choose for herself in many regards.
He’s been lying to her on a daily basis for six long years, and I don’t see how she can move past that at all. She’s right, he could be lying about loads of other things, and she has no way of knowing.
Her husband is diabolical, as well as a master manipulator, and I don’t think she should forgive him. Her husband has been playing pretend and allowing her to have a false sense of security.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
