He’s Refusing To Honor His Wife’s Promise Of Caring For Her Parents In Their Old Age Because His Wife Passed Away Three Years Ago, And He Wants To Focus On Raising Their Children
Three years ago, this man’s wife tragically passed away in a car accident, leaving him as a single father to their three children– who are now 11, 8, and 5-years-old.
This was obviously an extremely difficult transition for him, as he had to deal with grief while trying to provide for his kids alone at the same time.
But, he claimed that thanks to therapy and a strong support system, his children have gotten through it and are now healthy, happy, and thriving.
More recently, though, a family debate that began way before his wife’s death has cropped up again– and he is not sure how to deal with it.
Apparently, in his wife’s culture, it is customary for kids to care for their parents during their older age. So, his in-laws expected this from his wife.
He and his wife talked about this expectation extensively both before and after they got married. And honestly, he admitted to the topic causing a lot of fights in their relationship.
“Because I felt that our focus should be on our kids and doing everything we could to give them a good life,” he explained.
So, while his wife wanted to let her parents live in their home, he disagreed because of cost and space reasons. And in the end, they eventually both agreed to help his in-laws pay for a condo or a different living arrangement– just not a house.
Unfortunately, though, they never actually got to discuss how that was going to work before his wife passed away.
JenkoAtaman – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person or child
And following her death, his in-laws took the loss especially hard– particularly his mother-in-law, who reportedly fell into a deep depression.
He claimed that his mother-in-law basically “became a recluse,” and neither she nor his father-in-law has really been involved in his family’s life since the car accident.
Recently, though, his father-in-law retired and reached out to him about honoring his wife’s promise to take care of them. Honestly, though, he was candid and just told his father-in-law that there was no way he could honor that promise.
Now, his father-in-law did not take that well and started getting very upset– claiming that it was his responsibility as his wife’s husband to follow through on the promise.
But, he tried to explain how he already has three children to care for and provide for. So, he simply does not have the time, energy, or resources to take on the care of two additional people.
In spite of his explanation, though, his father-in-law just did not understand and actually told him off.
“My father-in-law told me I was disgracing my wife’s honor and memory and that he knew it was a mistake for her to marry outside of her culture,” he revealed.
Thankfully, a few days later, his father-in-law did call him to apologize and admitted to acting irrationally. His father-in-law also claimed to be sure that they could “work something out” that would benefit everyone involved.
Quite frankly, though, he was confused by that and asked what his father-in-law meant. Then, he learned that his in-laws had an entirely different plan that involved living together.
More specifically, his in-laws wanted to go live with him and his three kids. That way, they would help out with the children while he still honored his wife’s promise of caring for her parents.
He really did not like that idea either, though, and was forced to tell his father-in-law no again.
First, he pointed out how he had managed just fine over the past three years without any help from his in-laws. So, he claimed that he could keep chugging along by himself– meaning that his in-laws’ proposal was not beneficial to him in any way.
His father-in-law still did not take no for an answer, though, and kept telling him that he needed to honor his wife’s memory by fulfilling the promise. So, he was forced to put his foot down once and for all.
“I told him that, sadly, that promise died with his daughter,” he said.
Afterward, his father-in-law reportedly said something in his native language. And even though he could not understand what was said, he assumed it was definitely not a compliment. Then, his father-in-law hung up the phone.
So, in the wake of that conversation, he has been left feeling really torn. On the one hand, he realizes that his in-laws have not even been involved in his or his kids’ lives since his wife passed away.
Due to this, he admitted that his in-law’s needs are at the very bottom of his priority list.
“But I hate feeling like I am letting my wife down in any way, even if she’s not here anymore,” he vented.
So, he has been left wondering whether not keeping his wife’s promise to care for her parents in their old age is the wrong thing to do or not.
What’s more important– caring for his kids or his in-laws? Is it fair that his in-laws disappeared from his life following his wife’s death and only reached out to be taken care of? Does he have a right to prioritize his own family and say no? What would you do if you were in this situation?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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