Sorry For The Bad News, But Here Are 10 Ways You Can Tell If You’re Just Being Used In Any Relationship
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.
Nobody likes to feel like they are being manipulated, and nobody likes to feel as if they are just being used.
It can be challenging to tell if you’re being used in a relationship – and sometimes, it is painfully apparent. But, unfortunately, we aren’t aware we are being used until it is too late.
Being used can mean a lot of things. It can be in a financial sense, a physical sense, an emotional sense, or even a spiritual sense.
Someone could use you for many reasons – from subtle to highly toxic. But being used is a sign of disrespect.
To help you avoid being used by people who claim to love you, here are 10 signs to look for to spot someone who is just using you as a means to an end. If most of these sound familiar, it’s time for you to leave.
#1: They are often asking for favors.
Friends ask friends for help from time to time. That is normal in most friendships. It’s normal to lean on friends and family in times of hardship. However, if they always depend on you, it may be a sign they are using you as a crutch.
There is a difference between the friend who genuinely needs help vs. the friend who has a high-paying job but somehow always needs to borrow money from you and takes forever to pay you back (if they do at all).
hetmanstock2 – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
#2: They ask for favors even when it is inconvenient for you.
If you have a friend who wants to borrow your car when they know you have somewhere to be – they aren’t a perfect friend. Tell them to get an Uber. Be extra cautious if they ask for money for that Uber.
#3: They never want to hold up their end of the tab.
Sometimes when you go out in a group, it’s normal for a buddy to occasionally cover your tab or pay for your meal – especially if it was their idea in the first place.
However, if you have a buddy who always wants to go out and expects you to cover their tab or pay for their meal – you have a user on your hands.
#4: They are nice when they want something from you.
These users are the worst – they suck up and put you on a pedestal when they need something from you. This “friend” is buttering you up, so they are more likely to get what they want when they ask for it.
However, the minute they don’t need something from you, they are aloof or don’t want to hang out.
#5: They are nowhere to be seen when you need them.
You are always there to spot them $20 for gas, pay for their mani-pedi, or cover their tab at mimosa Sundays, but when you need to lean on them for a change, they won’t answer the phone.
Any friend who comes to you when they need help but won’t return the favor when you need help is not a good friend.
#6: They have no interest in your life.
If you make it a point to show genuine interest in their life, but they show no interest in yours, something might be up.
It’s one thing if they are an off day, but if this is a regular occurrence, that is not a good sign.
#7: They don’t desire any 1:1 time.
Friends or partners who use you will want to be close enough to you to be able to ask favors but not so close to you that they have to put any genuine effort into maintaining the relationship.
They can do this by ensuring they never have to be 1:1 with you. So, for example, if you ask them to hang out and they consistently invite others to join in, they can say you guys spend time together, but they can distribute attention amongst the group rather than just with you.
#8: They use you as a middle-man.
If you are a successful friend, you can fall victim to this kind of user. They hit you when they need a reference for work or your help to form a connection with someone you know who can get them something (a promotion, a new job, etc.).
They use you as a stepping stone to climb higher in their own lives. Be wary of friends who only seem to contact you when they need an introduction or help to pursue a specific goal for their betterment only.
#9: They push you to focus on money rather than happiness.
If you have a friend or a partner who pushes you to take any promotion or new job offer solely for the financial gain you will make, they might have an ulterior motive.
Yes, most of the time, this push can be completely benign. However, if you have made it known you would be miserable at this job despite the increased pay and they still push you to take the job, they might be thinking more about the benefits they will reap instead.
#10: They never want to meet you halfway.
It is normal for relationships to have shifts in them – sometimes, you will carry more of the friendship, and at times others will. So give and take are natural.
However, if you seem always to be the one buying gifts, setting up trips, planning hangouts, covering the tab, and generally putting forth effort – you might be being used. If your partner or friend is unwilling to put that same energy into the relationship – it’s time to go.
What should you do if you think you are being used?
If your friend or partner hits enough of these signs, it’s time to sit down and have a conversation with them. It would be best if you let your concerns be known.
Their response will tell you what you need to know. Do they apologize and lay out a plan to step up and do better? Or do they get defensive and reactive and tell you that’s not true? Gauge their response and then decide to give them a chance to prove their worth or cut your losses and move on with your life without them.
What do you think? Have you had a partner or friend who used you for something? How did you deal with that relationship?
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