He Told His Son He Spent 20 Years Parenting, Which He Completely Hated, So He’s Not Going To Help Him With His Son Or Be An Active Grandparent
This 47-year-old guy has a 26-year-old son named Jake, and he honestly never wanted to be a dad at all.
But, he had a very brief relationship with Jake’s mom, and Jake was a total accident. He really was not ready to be a dad so young, but Jake’s mom really wanted him, so he ended up becoming a dad at 21.
His relationship with Jake’s mom has forever been tense because he never wanted to have Jake, and she knew that.
“However, I always tried to do right by Jake,” he explained. “I would have him every other weekend and for a month during the summer, would do my best to deliver on anything he asked of me, treated him kindly, and tried to be a good father.”
“Then, at a certain point, his mother married a guy Jake hated, and I had him move in with me once he was 13. I won’t lie, I wasn’t cut out to be a parent.”
“I love Jake, but I just hated parenting. I did it anyway since he was my son. We have a very good relationship, and I’ve never shirked any responsibility to him.”
Jake then ended up becoming a dad at 21, and his son Mike is now 5. Jake was thrilled to be a dad and is even “happily married” to Mike’s mom.
He ended up helping Jake get into his electrician union and snagged him some excellent jobs. Jake was automatically better equipped to provide for his son than he had been back in the day.
Right when Mike was born, he did mention to Jake that being a parent is super tough, and it means you can no longer really do what you feel like doing.
Manny DaCunha – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
But then, Jake steered the conversation around to what kind of help he could provide his grandson.
He made it clear to Jake that it would not be happening because he is strictly retired from being a parent.
“I am turning back to my own life,” he said. “He has his own home, union job, is engaged, and adult enough to decide to have a baby.”
“He’s the adult now. He’s the parent. I’ll be around, and if there are any emergencies, obviously, I’ll do what I can. But I won’t be an “active” grandparent.”
“I’ve largely held to it. I have been doing a lot of travel, I have a GF, hobbies, and, to be blunt, I’m doing all the things I didn’t get to do in my 20s. Do I see Jake and his family? Yes. However, I rarely agree to babysit. Jake resents that I don’t go to Mike’s games (they tend to conflict with my weightlifting club) and that I’m pretty hands-off with Mike.”
Last weekend, Mike had a baseball game, and he informed Jake that he would not be there since he already booked a scuba diving class for him and his girlfriend.
Although he easily could have rescheduled the scuba diving, he had zero interest in doing that, which he did not tell Jake about.
He says that he has already spent so many Saturdays bored to tears watching Jake play baseball that he just is done.
“I always cheered loudly, was crazy supportive, and never let on that it was like watching paint dry,” he continued.
“But this is no longer my responsibility. So I told him, “Jake, I spent 20 years parenting. That’s enough.” He then yelled at me that I am always jetting around, playing like a teenager and not putting him first.”
“I told him that no, I wasn’t. I did that for 20 years to get him on his feet as an adult. I’ve done that and can go back to prioritizing my own life.”
He’s left wondering if it’s mean of him not to want to take an active grandparent role for the sake of Mike.
What do you think?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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