His Wife Hasn’t Been Helping With Household Chores Or Even Showering And Brushing Her Teeth, And He Isn’t Sure How To Help
This 30-year-old man currently works from home; meanwhile, his 27-year-old wife is a part-time student and works as a part-time server at a restaurant.
Throughout their relationship, he also claimed that his wife always found it difficult to keep up with household chores. Still, they tried to split responsibilities evenly, and it worked for a while.
More recently, though, he noticed that his wife has slowly completed less and less of her share of chores around the house.
“Since I’m around the home more, I sort of just begrudgingly picked up the slack and did my best to keep the house in decent shape,” he recalled.
Nonetheless, it appears that resentment started to grow, and there was gradually more tension in their relationship.
Then, just two days ago, the situation came to a head after they got into a big argument.
The argument started after his wife proposed the idea of getting a new puppy. He simply could not believe his ears since puppies are a ton of work, and his wife was already struggling with their basic home needs.
“I can’t believe you even think we’re in a place where we could consider getting a new puppy when we can’t even keep the house clean as is!” he told his wife.
But his remark clearly struck a nerve, and his wife proceeded to go off on him. She pointed out how she didn’t enjoy having a sink full of dirty dishes or no clean laundry. Then, she claimed that she couldn’t even take showers or brush her teeth because she was so busy between her job and her schoolwork.
Drobot Dean – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Now, it was news to him that his wife was struggling to complete personal hygiene habits, and he was totally shocked. He had been so busy focusing on keeping places like their kitchen clean that he didn’t even notice his wife hadn’t been showering or brushing her teeth.
“I guess lucky for me, even when she doesn’t shower, she doesn’t get particularly bad BO,” he said.
Still, when he asked his wife about the longest period she had gone without showering, she admitted to going 10 days without washing herself.
Since this conversation, he realizes that he could theoretically just complete all of their household chores by himself. But he has no clue how to help his wife out since she is the only person who can take her personal hygiene seriously.
She admitted to feeling totally overwhelmed whenever she thinks about everything she needs to get done for work or school. Then, when she is not on campus or working, his wife winds up doing nothing.
It is crucial to note that his wife does have ADHD and actually used to be on medication. However, she stopped taking her meds since one of the side effects was a racing heartbeat.
“I’m no psychiatrist, but from my limited knowledge of ADHD, the inability to properly prioritize chores and self-care tasks is a common symptom. Lack of motivation to use one’s downtime to tackle minor household tasks seems like another one,” he explained.
While his wife does have a somewhat busy schedule, he also believes that it is nowhere near busy enough to where it would be necessary to skip out on personal hygiene habits.
He claimed that showering would only take his wife about 10 minutes, plus a few more to dry off her hair. She is not working 12-hour days or anything crazy like that, either.
Instead, his wife actually has a few hours after returning home from work every day when she simply plays video games or enjoys watching some TV.
So, even though he doesn’t want to take away his wife’s free time, he just cannot understand how she prioritizes things like watching TV or playing games over taking care of herself.
“I love her, and I want to help her, but I also feel betrayed by how partner-less I feel in times like this,” he vented.
He also knows that medication is likely off the table when it comes to helping his wife, so he has no idea what to do. He is genuinely worried that he will forever be stuck with a “smelly” partner who can never pitch in around the house.
So now, he has been left wondering how he can help his wife get back to a place where she can stay on top of both basic household and hygiene tasks.
Does it sound like his wife is struggling with her mental health right now? How can he support her during this time? Can he make his wife address her ADHD, or does she need to do that on her own?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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