His Girlfriend Wants To Know When They’re Getting Engaged, But He Doesn’t Want To Marry Her Until She Shows That She Can Take Care Of Herself Both Financially And Physically
A year and a half ago, this 25-year-old man met his girlfriend, also 25.
One month ago, she moved in with him.
After college, he got a job that was three hours away from where they’d both been previously living.
Not long ago, his girlfriend started asking him when he wanted to get engaged.
Once she moved in with him, they had a discussion about a future engagement, and he explained that he was hoping that she could start an emergency fund for herself.
As of right now, she only has about $100 in savings.
In his view, it’s because of him that his girlfriend even has that much in savings to begin with.
Whenever the two of them go out to eat at a restaurant, she offers to pay, but he tells her that he’ll pay instead, adding that she can put away what she would’ve spent on the meal into her savings.
He believes that it would be reasonable for her to have one month’s worth of expenses saved up.
Photo 67554560 © Angelo Cordeschi – Dreamstime.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“I think this is a fair stipulation for getting engaged. I need to see proof that she is capable of being financially responsible before we combine finances, as I am very deliberate with my finances, and we’ve both talked about her being a stay-at-home mom, so it would be even more important to be financially on top of things on a single income,” he said.
Over the course of their entire relationship, his girlfriend has financially struggled and stressed because she didn’t have enough money to pay her monthly expenses, and sometimes she got behind on some of her bills.
Luckily, the only debt his girlfriend has is her vehicle, but she lives paycheck to paycheck right now.
“When she was in the process of moving in with me, I had to give her $500 so she could pay for her insurance, car, and remaining rent from her last place. She has since quit her job that she started on Halloween (she was there for a total of six days) because of how bad it was. I told her it was okay and we should prioritize her mental health, which is true,” he explained.
At the same time, he felt like it would have been ideal if his girlfriend had been better off financially before she quit her terrible job.
Right now, he’s the one paying all of their bills, and his girlfriend is job searching and doing housework in the meantime.
The other concern he wants to address with his girlfriend before thinking more seriously about getting engaged is in regard to her physical health.
When they first started dating, he told her that he values a healthy lifestyle and he wants his partner to prioritize regular exercise like he does.
“She said that she agrees and that it’s something she wants to work on. On a few occasions, she has opened up about how she feels about her body (she’s always been heavy and, according to a BMI chart, she’s extremely obese), so I encourage her to come to the gym with me, saying, ‘Hey, let’s go do 15 minutes of walking on the treadmill at the apartment gym,'” he shared.
Most of the time, she rejects the idea of going to the gym.
Plus, he doesn’t think she has a well-balanced diet, and she hasn’t been to the dentist in seven years.
He acknowledged that he might be a bit nit-picky, but in his view, these examples illustrate that his girlfriend doesn’t seem to take good care of herself.
Going forward, he would love to support her and help her improve her life because both of them want to have children together.
But every time he’s attempted to discuss any of these issues with his girlfriend, she no longer wants to talk because she thinks he’s being too critical of her.
What advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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