She Told Her Friend It’s Her Fault For Waiting To Get Married And Have Kids So Late In Life, And She Can’t Drop Everything To Help Her Now
As you grow older, when you’re the last in your friend group to enter a relationship, get married, or have kids, it can be really hard to watch everyone else seemingly move ahead of you.
One woman recently had an outburst around her friend who was the last in their friend group to have kids and is now expecting everyone to drop everything and help her.
She’s 39 and is in a friend group with five other women around the same age. One of those women is Mary, who’s 38. All six have known each other since their early 20s and have stood by each other through their big milestones, from engagements to weddings to having babies.
Mary was always different from the rest of the group, as over the years, she always made it very clear that she didn’t want to settle down until her 30s.
“Mary has always been someone who had to make it known that she was unique [and] different from the rest of us, which wasn’t as draining then as it has become now,” she explained.
“All [the] other women in our circle got married between the ages of 22 and 27, and we all have multiple kids. So, the five of us were able to experience those milestones alongside one another and got closer as we shared similar lifestyles. Mary was very adamant on not settling until her 30s because she wanted to travel and have different experiences, which we all supported.”
While Mary’s sentiments were understandable, she would use her life choices as an excuse to be mean to the friend group or boast about her life as a single woman while they were busy with their family responsibilities. Mary would call herself “lucky” not to be “tied down with husbands and babies.”
As Mary continued to isolate herself and her lifestyle from their friend group, resentment began to grow. Then, once Mary entered her mid-30s, she was in a sudden rush to catch up to everyone, find a husband, and become a mother.
“When she finally got married, many could not attend because it was a destination event and child-free during COVID,” she recalled.
Alena Ozerova – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
“This caused a fight because she said she was there for us during our weddings, but we couldn’t put aside a week for her. We had all told her how we wished we could, but it simply was not financially feasible and didn’t logistically work with our kids. But she just refused to hear us out and was simply so inconsiderate about our lives and families.”
After getting married, Mary moved six hours away to a very remote place with her husband, and she finally had a baby girl six months ago. While she and the rest of the friend group would love to visit Mary’s baby, the six-hour car ride changes things, and none of them have had the chance to go.
This has made Mary increasingly angry, and she recently reached out to the group and demanded that they make arrangements to visit over the holidays so she can have some help. Mary’s been having difficulty adjusting to mom life and figured everyone would be eager to get out to her town and help her.
However, Mary doesn’t seem to understand just how difficult planning a visit to get to her would be, as everyone would have to take time off work, arrange childcare, book hotels, figure out transportation, etc.
Once the friend group started explaining to Mary that they couldn’t get out to see her right away, she began posting shady things online about “fake friends” who weren’t there for her, which made everyone upset.
“As much as I wish I could, I cannot physically support her in the way she needs me to do in this stage of life,” she said.
“It would have been completely different if she still lived in our city, and this was earlier in life when we had less commitments or priorities. So I told her this and that if she was hoping for this big village and constant support, she should have thought about that when planning out her life.”
She had to put her foot down and tell Mary that their friend group could not pause their lives to get to her during this time. Now, she’s wondering if she was too harsh for saying that.
Was she being rude to Mary, or should Mary have more realistic expectations of her friends?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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