She’s Done Hosting Holiday Dinners For Her Husband’s Family Because She’s Sick Of Doing All The Work Alone And Spending The Entire Time In The Kitchen
This woman and her husband have been married for the last five years, and she is sick of hosting events for her husband’s family.
She doesn’t want to host Thanksgiving, Christmas, or barbecues anymore.
Sometimes, her husband’s daughter brings over a plate of deviled eggs or a baked bean dish to these events.
However, after everyone has eaten, all of the guests move into the living room to hang out and watch something on TV.
Her husband doesn’t help clean the house or cook before these get-togethers, and he doesn’t even help wash the dishes afterward.
Even though she’s frustrated that he husband and his family don’t help out with any of the cleanups after eating, she doesn’t want to be the reason that her husband doesn’t have the chance to visit with his family at their house.
Her issue isn’t that her husband wants to hang out with his family.
The problem is that she is the only one doing everything for every single event they host.
“His argument is that if I don’t do it, then it won’t happen (oh, well). He says neither of his kids will step up and volunteer to host. Naturally, his first wife did all the family events up until she got sick and passed away seven to eight years ago. He says his kids are just used to their mom doing all the work,” she said.
Photo 119771102 © Lightfieldstudiosprod – Dreamstime.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She countered that if she continued doing everything for each event and hosting at their house every time, then his children would never have a reason to take over any of the work required.
Plus, his children are all adults in their 50s, and his children have kids of their own who are adults in their 20s.
Understandably, she doesn’t want to keep this cycle going where everyone expects her to do all of the cooking and cleaning for her husband’s entire family.
Sadly, she doesn’t feel appreciated by any of her husband’s family because throughout the four or more hours that these get-togethers usually last, no one even pays any attention to her. Since these events aren’t only an hour or two, she feels very uncomfortable and like she’s missing out on the fun that everyone else gets to have.
During the family gatherings, everyone catches up with her husband, eats the food she cooked (making sure to prepare everything according to everyone’s preferences), shares stories, jokes around with one another, and then leaves without even thanking her for her hard work and hospitality.
She does her best to socialize whenever she has the chance, but all of the chairs in the dining room are always taken, so she usually has to sit in the kitchen because there is no room for her to join everyone else.
“I often think about just walking out of the house to go for a walk, but then the food would burn. I don’t want to be the center of attention, but just basic good manners would be nice,” she explained.
She’s noticed that her husband’s grandchildren have better manners than his own children.
Ever since she first started dating her now-husband, his son and daughter have never been kind to her.
Several times, her husband’s daughter was incredibly impolite toward her, and her husband’s son completely ignored her whenever she was in the same room as him. His son continues to ignore her to this day.
Over the years, his daughter has warmed up to her a bit, but she still doesn’t have a great relationship or bond with her by any means.
According to her husband, the reason for his daughter’s rudeness could possibly have been that she was angry that he would no longer be paying some of her bills as he had on a regular basis in the past.
Luckily, she hasn’t encountered any problems or tension with any of her husband’s other family members, including his brother, sister-in-law, nieces, or cousins.
These family members have been wonderful to her, and her husband’s brother and his wife have been very kind.
In confidence, her husband’s son expressed that part of the issue he has with her is their age gap, but she pointed out that there was obviously nothing she could do to change this.
Throughout the past few years, she’s attempted to start conversations with her husband’s son, and she’s always been very polite, but he only ever speaks to her half the time she tries talking to him.
Since she has been trying so hard to be nice and talk to her husband’s son for the entire five years of her marriage, she’s decided that she’s done all she can to try to get to know him, and she’s done trying because he clearly doesn’t want to have any sort of relationship with her.
For Thanksgiving last year, she wanted to have a meal for just herself and her husband.
She didn’t invite anyone over, but about a day or two before Thanksgiving, her husband’s daughter took the liberty of inviting herself and her family over to their house anyway.
Obviously, she was stunned by this and couldn’t believe that someone could be so rude.
When she informed her husband that she didn’t want his daughter and her family to come over, adding that this wasn’t enough notice for her to prepare, he didn’t tell his daughter, even when he was on the phone with her and had the opportunity to reject her idea of coming over for Thanksgiving dinner without being invited.
Her husband despises confronting people, particularly his own children.
“Plus, it worked out in his favor by not speaking up. I’m not stupid. He got what he wanted–a home-cooked meal with his family. I tried the same thing again (not inviting anyone) for Christmas since I ended up having to do Thanksgiving, but again, no one volunteered to host at their place. He offered to buy a smoked ham and some sides from a local venue to help alleviate my stress,” she shared.
She gave in and accepted her husband’s offer, but it didn’t make much of a difference. She cooked just as much as she did the years previous, and she was in the kitchen for four hours while no one paid attention to her or helped.
In addition, she still had to clean the entire house before and after the get-together as well as do all the dishes, all by herself.
When she accepted the fact that her husband was never going to stand up to his children, she tried dropping hints to his daughter about the idea of her hosting the next family gathering, and his daughter responded by saying that she didn’t want to clean up before and after having family over.
Not long ago, her husband’s daughter put her youngest son up to calling her husband to ask about what the plan was for Thanksgiving dinner this year.
Her husband told his grandson that they weren’t hosting Thanksgiving this time around, but she’s concerned that his daughter will invite herself over like she did the year before.
Unfortunately, she had never been comfortable with hosting events, and because she’s lived alone most of her life, it’s not something she’s used to.
Thinking about the possibility of having to make yet another Thanksgiving dinner this year is making her extremely anxious.
The option of going with her husband and his family out to a restaurant would work for her, and she would be even happier if she stayed behind at the house while they went to dinner without her.
In her view, she would rather that they ignore her and refuse to talk to her somewhere else instead of disrespecting her while she’s hosting an event in her own house. She pointed out that his children’s behavior is even worse considering the fact that she spent so much time and effort making food for them.
She doesn’t think all of this hard work and anxiety is worth it anymore because she is so dissatisfied.
Now, she has come to the decision not to host Thanksgiving or any other future holiday get-togethers. She has had enough and has done all she can to bond with her husband’s children when they clearly don’t seem to want to have anything to do with her.
No matter how much she’s attempted to get to know them, she hasn’t succeeded, and she knows that she isn’t the one to blame for that.
When she told her husband that she was standing firm in her choice not to host any more holidays at their house, he was not thrilled at all.
But because she has expressed her frustration over the last couple of years, she didn’t understand why her husband was at all shocked by this news.
Just like she predicted, her husband was furious and claimed that she was only doing this to keep him from spending time with his family.
This false accusation angered her, so she assured him that she was doing no such thing.
“I was simply no longer going to be the host and doormat. He said, ‘What if I buy the food or we just do sandwiches?’ I said, ‘Are you going to dust, clean, vacuum, and scrub toilets to MY level of cleanliness (not his)?’ I saw a sheepish grin, and he said, ‘Probably not.’ I said, ‘You can always take them to a restaurant.’ I also told him he never has my back,” she continued.
She expressed that his son and daughter are just copying his example of refusing to help her do anything, and he agreed with this analysis.
Then, her husband asked what he could do to change the situation, and she responded by telling him to fulfill his responsibilities as a father and scold his children for their disrespectful actions.
But he rejected this idea, his excuse being that his children are too old for that.
She assumes that the real reason her husband refuses to actively parent his children is because he doesn’t want them to stop communicating with him if he ever confronts them.
After he refused the option of having a talk with his children, she told him that he should be willing to accept that she would now be doing something to change the situation and that he couldn’t whine about it because she warned him in advance.
The Wednesday after this argument with her husband, his son called to ask what their plans were for Thanksgiving. Her husband informed him that they weren’t hosting dinner this year.
Once he was done on the phone, she told him that he needed to make sure to clarify with his children that they were not hosting any holidays or events at all anymore.
She knew that her husband was being sneaky and was attempting to leave open the possibility of her changing her mind in the future and hosting Christmas or other holidays down the line.
The following day, she got home from grocery shopping.
As she was bringing the groceries into the house, she could hear her husband talking on the phone with his daughter.
She missed some of their conversation, but she knew that his daughter was asking what was going on for Thanksgiving, but she couldn’t hear what her husband said.
Once she was in the house, her husband ended the call with his daughter, and he told her that his daughter invited them over for dinner at her house on the Saturday after Thanksgiving,
Apparently, his daughter hadn’t invited his son or his son’s family.
When she heard about this, she knew that she didn’t want to go. She would rather stay home while her husband goes to his daughter’s house to have dinner.
On the other hand, she did acknowledge that it’s nice that his daughter is finally hosting a dinner at her house for once.
So, she ultimately decided that the best thing to do was to be kind and polite.
She is planning to bring a dish along with her to the Saturday dinner, and she’ll volunteer to help out and clean up after dinner.
Other than that, she will let her husband’s daughter act as the host this time.
Also, she thinks that cleaning up after dinner would be the best time to ask her husband’s daughter if she’d heard that she would no longer be hosting any more events from now on. That way, the family hopefully won’t try to rope her into hosting Christmas when she doesn’t want to.
While she won’t go into the details of why she will no longer be hosting family gatherings, she wants to make it clear that she won’t be doing so anymore.
Do you think she’s doing the right thing?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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