She’s Refusing To Let Her Struggling Stepson Move In With Her And Her Husband Because The Last Time Her Stepson Stayed There, He Quit His Job, Made Messes Everywhere, And Treated Everyone In The Home Horribly
This woman’s partner has three children from a previous marriage.
When she first met her partner, his twin daughters were 10, and he also had a son, who was 15 at the time.
In retrospect, she believes that she and her partner moved way too quickly in their relationship.
After dating for only about four or five months, they moved in together.
Her partner’s children’s mother hasn’t been consistently a part of their lives for at least 10 years.
“I was almost right away the replacement for that nurturing role they’d been missing. My stepson, bless him, had been his father’s dumping grounds for all the pain and rage he felt for what his ex-wife had done and the resulting distrust he felt for women at large,” she said.
Since her partner’s son was the oldest of the siblings, he, unfortunately, took on a parental role for his sisters, so he was emotionally struggling when she started dating her partner.
After she moved in with her partner and his children, the responsibilities that her stepson should have never been expected to do were now her duty instead.
Once her stepson had more freedom to be a child again, he was awful to be around. He didn’t have any respect for others and acted cruelly at times.
Serhii – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
As time passed, his behavior didn’t improve.
Even though she knows where his behavior stems from, she doesn’t want to deal with it in her house now that her stepson is legally an adult.
“His father is not willing to step in and enforce standards or boundaries, so I am treated quite badly, as is my home and anyone who resides in it, including pets,” she said.
During the pandemic, she and her partner let her stepson live in their apartment with them for a period of time, and this was the last occasion that they allowed this.
They expected that her stepson pay money to go toward rent and food, and they also expected him to clean up his own messes.
In addition to this, they also wanted him to make sure to be quiet during the week since his younger sisters were still in high school at the time and had to get up early every day.
“Not a single promise was kept. In fact, he quit his job almost immediately upon moving in, made tons of noise at night, and made messes that I was still finding when we moved out two years later (dirty dishes put under his sisters’ keepsake blankets in the hope chest, for example). He played dangerously with weapons I didn’t want in my home for a short while,” she explained.
Also, her stepson yelled and threatened to hurt their pets, but thankfully didn’t make good on his threats.
After her stepson moved out of their apartment, she knew she couldn’t deal with it ever again.
While she won’t stop her partner from allowing his son to move in, she wouldn’t want to stay if he decided to allow it.
She acknowledged that her partner was able to do whatever he wanted, but if he let his son move in, she would be leaving and taking the pets with her.
Despite her frustrations, she does have love for her stepson, and she worries about his emotional and mental health.
“I have offered to send him money to help with his bills (for a while, not forever; he does have to start helping himself, too), to help him find a better job and/or a more affordable apartment, get into/pay for technical school, help his girlfriend with finding a better job/job training,” she shared.
She has been there to help her stepson in so many ways, giving him tons of options to better his life, but in her view, it never feels like anything she does is “good enough.”
Now, she’s wondering if she’s a jerk for rejecting the idea of her stepson asking to temporarily move in so that he can get back on his feet. She’s unsure if she’s being too sensitive about the past because that’s how her stepson, as well as his girlfriend, seems to feel.
What would you do if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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