The Bird Test Gauges Whether Or Not A Relationship Will Be Successful

Emily Chan |

Nov 26, 2023

Photo 61854819 © Syda Productions - Dreamstime.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

There are many strategies that can be used to screen potential romantic partners or filter out fake friends—and the bird test is just one of them.

TikToker Alyssa (@alyssacardib) is sharing her surprise after finding out how many people don’t know what the “bird test” is, especially since it’s something that she “lives and dies by.” She went on to explain how the assessment works.

Alyssa describes the bird test as a way to gauge whether or not a relationship will be successful. Usually, the bird test is employed in the context of a romantic relationship, but it also works with friendships.

So, if one partner points out something that “could be deemed insignificant,” such as seeing a bird nearby, and the other person responds with “genuine curiosity,” that is a strong indication that your relationship is built to last.

“But if they blow you off, they don’t acknowledge you, and they’re just like, oh cool, a woodpecker, that’s a really bad sign,” said Alyssa.

She also gave an example of a time she used the bird test on somebody. So, she met a girl, and they started becoming friends.

One day, they were at a coffee shop, sitting down at a table. Alyssa looked out the window and saw a woodpecker in a tree. She pointed it out to her new friend, and she whipped around to see it for herself.

For the next ten minutes, they both stared out the window, watching the bird peck away at the tree as they looked up random facts about woodpeckers. Ever since then, they have remained close friends.

The theory behind the test is actually based on research conducted by John Gottman, a psychologist and relationship expert.

Photo 61854819 © Syda Productions – Dreamstime.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

Through his research, he found that couples who engage with each other’s interests tend to have healthier, longer-lasting relationships.

The bird test is formally called a “bid for connection.” A person can respond to it by “turning toward” or “turning away.”

Turning toward means fully taking part in a bid for connection with your partner, while turning away means the opposite. According to Gottman, a pattern of rejection against bids for connection leads to disaster for relationships.

So far, Alyssa’s video has garnered 4.5 million views. Many TikTok users shared the instances in which the people they’ve known have accepted their bids and aced the assessment with flying colors.

“Facts! My sister & brother-in-law passed the bird test when they spent 1hr watching these swans with me,” commented one user.

“My family passes the bird test we be running across the house to look at the thing someone else was shouting about,” wrote another.

“I was hanging out with this boy, and I took an interest with how many stars were out, and he stood outside the car with me and looked at the stars,” added a third.