Her Husband Blindsided Her By Saying He Wants An Open Marriage, So She’s Divorcing Him
This 29-year-old woman and her 28-year-old husband have been with one another for nine years, and they tied the knot seven years ago.
They honestly had a good old-fashioned shotgun-style wedding so that they could improve their chances of getting custody of her husband’s half-sister after this girl’s mom unexpectedly passed away.
Even though she and her husband were super young back then, they did get custody of the little girl, and although this really has nothing to do with the relationship she currently has with her husband, it helps paint a picture of the sacrifices they have had to make in order to raise her.
“We don’t have any children together, but his sister is now 17 and moved in with an older, more financially privileged aunt last year,” she explained.
“Over the past year of this newfound alone time, I feel like we have flourished each personally and as a couple. We never fight, arguments are rare, and we are pretty good at coming to understanding and apologizing when necessary.”
“Basically, I feel we had a pretty healthy relationship. We each do little things for each other. I receive flowers no less than 10 times a year. We go on little vacations together and are generally really good. I guess a bit of the spark was sputtering out for a while, but I feel like that’s normal for a relationship as long as ours.”
Then, in October of this year, her husband slipped into a depression, which she wasn’t initially alarmed by.
That time of year reminds her husband of losing his dad and mom, as they both passed away in the fall, though in different years.
The holidays are also hard on her husband overall because of this, so she always gives him grace and does her best to support him.
T.Den_Team – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
But then, her husband sat down with her, saying he had something serious to discuss. He blindsided her by mentioning he wants an open marriage.
“I felt my heart drop to my stomach but stayed silent and let him talk,” she said. “He doesn’t go into why, just jumps right into rules and explains how he wants me to find someone first before he starts looking for someone himself.”
“When I [asked] him why, he couldn’t explain it and fumbled his words. I asked him if he already had someone in mind for himself, and of course, he denied it. I couldn’t help it, I definitely blew up. I was totally blindsided by this proposal.”
“I slept on the couch after my outburst, and he didn’t even try to come after me to explain anything, which kind of made me feel worse. I had never felt so unwanted in my life than in that moment. I have never given the impression that I was the kind of girl to be open to that kind of relationship. I will never judge anyone for wanting to live that kind of life, but it’s just not for me.”
The following morning her husband went to work as usual, but she had a day off of work, and she took that time to consider her marriage.
She spent hours sobbing by herself before it dawned on her that her husband asking for an open marriage spelled the end of their relationship.
She admitted to herself that him even feeling the need to ask her for an open marriage in the first place was a complete dealbreaker.
So, while he was still working, she packed up all of his stuff and moved it out of their bedroom and into his little sister’s old room.
When her husband arrived home from work that night, he wanted to talk to her further about his position.
That conversation made her acknowledge a couple of things, the first being that her husband is far more adventurous than she ever realized in the bedroom, and they’re not on the same page.
Her husband also revealed to her that they don’t have a single commonality in light of his little sister moving out before insisting that they got married so young he didn’t have the chance to experience a lot of things.
Finally, her husband tried to explain the rules he made up for an open marriage, which involved them both getting a boyfriend and girlfriend to enjoy while also going on dates and doing things all together.
Her husband wanted them to both find someone to have fun with and to have an emotional connection with, which smashed her heart into tiny pieces to hear.
“During our talk, I told him I would never be able to look at him the same,” she added. “I would never be enough for him, and he was basically trying to get a pass for guilt-free cheating in my eyes.”
“I told him it sounded like he wanted to be with someone else without ever leaving the comfort of his marriage. Knowing he could date around and not worry if those relationships would fail becuase he could just come home to me. He tried denying these things, saying he wanted to explore himself…but didn’t want to lose me in the process.”
Her husband suggested they try marriage counseling in an effort to come to terms with his open marriage proposal.
She informed her husband that his even saying he wanted an open marriage was enough for her to file for divorce, and she didn’t want to go to counseling.
She went on to point out to her husband that he destroyed her self-confidence, and he wouldn’t hear it.
“He said if we go back into a relationship and pretend this never happened, then he would end up cheating on me,” she continued.
“For him, it was [an] open marriage or nothing. I chose nothing. Divorce papers were filed exactly 1 week later. He was very hurt (angry) that I could jump right to divorce and kick him out of our bedroom so fast. But I refuse to be a second choice or have to fight for his attention.”
“I can’t believe he is okay with the idea of another person [sleeping with] me. He is willing to just give me up to explore his options? I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time with him. Helping him heal his family and raise his sister, I feel completely used.”
She still loves her husband and cares for him, but it’s not practical for her to remain married to him, given what he really wants.
They are currently living together as they determine how to divide up their lives, and her husband is being petty and toxic while hurling insults at her.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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