He Can Afford To Have His Wife Quit Her Job, But He Doesn’t Want Her To, And His Wife’s Making Him Feel Like A Failure Of A Husband
Earlier this month, this man learned he was being considered for a promotion because a position is opening up after one of the company’s employees retires next month.
Last Friday, he was officially offered the promotion. The new position will provide an impressive raise, along with a bonus.
He accepted the promotion, and on Valentine’s Day, he excitedly told his wife. She congratulated him, but after that, the conversation took a turn for the worse.
When he confirmed her question about whether he was getting a raise, she asked him if she could quit her job.
At first, he thought she was kidding and told her she couldn’t. Immediately, his wife seemed upset, and he realized that her question hadn’t been a joke.
She was angry and asked him why he wasn’t taking her seriously. In response, he began by telling her he was sorry and that he loved her.
“I explained that I have no desire to be the sole earner in our marriage. I said, ‘If you want to reduce hours or take on a less stressful role or job, that is a conversation we can have,'” he said.
Then, he repeated that he would not be the main breadwinner, and this option was off the table. Unfortunately, his wife didn’t understand his perspective.
She argued that it wouldn’t be an issue for her to quit her job because, with his promotion, his income alone would be more than their current combined income.
Dasha Petrenko – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Once he suggested that they examine the way they split their monthly expenses to see if they can change anything around, he requested that she accept his perspective. In his opinion, they both should continue working.
“She asked if I even loved her. She mentioned how her other friends have husbands who let their wives stay home,” he explained.
“I got annoyed by this question and told her that maybe she should have married one of those guys.”
Upon reflection, he knew his comment, said out of anger, went too far, so he told his wife he was sorry, but she didn’t forgive him and refused to speak to him after their argument.
Understandably, he was hurt that his wife questioned his love for her, but he acknowledged that his response was unacceptable.
For their entire marriage, he’s always wanted them both to work, and his wife has always known how important this is to him.
In addition, he never imagined that they’d be able to afford for either of them not to work, anyway. During the conversation with his wife, she expressed the pros of staying home and being responsible for the majority of the housework.
“The problem is, I enjoy meal prep, cooking, and cleaning. I listen to podcasts during that time and have little moments of Zen,” he shared.
“I like the current setup where we split the chores. I do not want or need her to take on a larger load.”
His wife doesn’t enjoy her job. It irritates her and causes her a lot of anxiety, and he can empathize with her feelings.
However, he told her that a better idea would be to look into ways to manage her work-related anxiety or search for a less demanding career. She can’t stand her job and wants to resign, and he knows that working isn’t always fun.
Even though he recognized the validity of his wife’s feelings, he pointed out that working is just part of life and survival in society.
His wife doubled down on her view that because of his significant pay raise, she should be able to quit if she wanted to.
While he knows she has a point about his raise, he doesn’t feel comfortable being the only one earning an income.
His wife insinuated that his views make him “‘a failure of a husband or a man,'” but he didn’t agree.
They don’t have children, but he doesn’t think his opinion would change if they had kids. He was brought up in a family where both his parents held jobs and equally distributed household labor and financial responsibilities, and it’s the kind of marriage he wants to have. But after the argument with his wife, he wonders if he has an old-fashioned perspective.
What advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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