Her Daughter Spent Two Years Hiding Her Husband’s Affair, And She Can’t Forgive Her
A couple of months ago, this 49-year-old woman and her husband, Derek, got divorced following two decades of marriage.
She has two kids that she shares with Derek – a 17-year-old son and a 22-year-old daughter. What led to the demise of her marriage was finding out that Derek had spent the last two years cheating on her.
Adding to the pain Derek’s infidelity caused, she learned that her daughter knew and kept the affair a secret from her.
“She actively hid it from me for two years—lied, covered for him, and never once tried to warn me,” she explained.
“When I found out, I was devastated, not just by my husband’s betrayal, but by my daughter’s choice to keep it from me.”
“She was young at the time, and I understand it was a difficult position for her, but the pain was immense. I never confronted her directly, thinking it might affect her as she was about to go off to college.”
She did let her daughter know that she was aware of the secret while trying to put the past behind her.
However, as soon as her daughter moved out of the house to attend college, she stopped speaking to her as much, hoping the distance would help her healing process.
While her divorce was made official only recently, she started dating a new man with a 10-year-old daughter.
2Design – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person – pictured above a middle-aged woman looks at the camera with a serious expression
She went on a trip to Disney with her boyfriend not that long ago, along with his daughter, his daughter’s two cousins, and her son, and her boyfriend shared a photo of them on social media.
Her boyfriend paid for everything, and the vacation was his daughter’s birthday present. Her daughter spotted the photo on social media and then stopped speaking to her in the month that followed.
It didn’t bother her that much that her daughter was keeping her distance. While she loves her, every single time she interacts with her daughter, the pain of Derek’s infidelity comes flooding right back.
“Out of nowhere, she called me in tears,” she said. “She was screaming, saying I obviously hadn’t forgiven her and that I’d shut her out on purpose.”
“She accused me of “replacing her” with my boyfriend and his daughter. She kept saying, “It was a long time ago; I was a kid; I didn’t mean to hurt you!” She said she thought she was doing the right thing by staying quiet, that she didn’t know how to tell me, and that she was terrified of breaking our family apart.”
Her daughter demanded to know if she had found room in her heart to forgive her as she attempted to calm her down by saying she loves her and is not trying to replace her at all.
Her daughter insisted that she should “get over” the secret-keeping while accusing her of abandoning her for her new family.
Then, Derek called her up, livid that she ditched her daughter for her new, younger boyfriend and his kid. Derek actually called her “selfish.”
What’s crazy to her is that Derek’s the one who destroyed their family for his girlfriend, who is 19 years younger than they are.
Derek and her daughter think she should move on already, and they don’t understand why she is still in pain over their actions.
Honestly, she’s not the only one who’s struggling with forgiveness, as her son hasn’t managed to forgive her daughter.
She is currently in therapy to deal, but that isn’t helping her to feel less disoriented. She knows her daughter was only 17 when she found out about Derek’s affair and was too young to manage in an effective way, but that doesn’t cover up her feeling that her daughter picked Derek over her.
“I love my daughter, but every time we talk, that hurt resurfaces,” she continued. “I don’t know if I’m failing as a mother or if I’m protecting myself.”
“I feel like I’ve emotionally checked out, and I don’t know how to reconnect.”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
How do I (49f) move forward after my daughter (22F) hid her father’s affair from me for two years?
byu/ThrowRAlizinabliz inrelationship_advice
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