Her Stepdaughter’s Going To Cause Her Marriage To End In Divorce
This 30-year-old woman has been married to her 37-year-old husband for the last five years. They have a 16-month-old son together, and her husband has a 14-year-old daughter from his ex-wife.
For the record, she loves her husband with all of her heart, and she doesn’t have problems with him necessarily, but she does have an issue with his daughter.
She’s done everything possible to form a decent relationship with this girl, but her husband’s daughter lies, steals, and downright disrepects her.
“To me, she’s done some pretty unforgivable things,” she explained. “The worst before yesterday was calling CPS and telling them that we were abusing our son in an attempt to have them both removed.”
“They found no abuse or any reason to believe there was ever abuse. We love our son greatly.”
“Her mother is awful. Has spent her whole life alienating her and constantly undermining my husband. She’s not a parent; she’s a friend. My stepdaughter thinks she can do no wrong and everything she does is right all the time.”
Her stepdaughter keeps saying she would rather live with her mom instead of them, but her mom resides in a halfway house, only has a part-time job, and has terrible money skills and credit.
So there’s no way her stepdaughter’s mom will ever end up being able to provide a stable home for her to live in.
Her stepdaughter’s mom has three additional children from two dads. Two of them were born while her husband was still married to her (she cheated).
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Her stepdaughter’s mom does not have custody of any of her children, and she lost custody of her stepdaughter after her stepdaughter failed to show up to kindergarten for 105 days.
She just doesn’t get how her stepdaughter thinks her mom walks on water, when in reality, this woman is a deadbeat.
Her husband does his best to keep his daughter on the right path, but she won’t even listen and is rude to him as well.
“I had given up. I don’t go out of my way to interact with her anymore. I’m nice and talk to her if she’s around but I don’t seek conversation. I don’t waste my money on her. I make sure she has what she needs and that’s it,” she added.
“My husband, though he understands my feelings, has expressed that he would like me to try again to have a relationship with her. I gave it some thought and decided that yes, even though the things she has done (too many to list) are awful, she is still a child and I am still her stepmother.”
“I’m choosing to be here so I can choose to have a better relationship with her or at least provide the appearance that way to make my husband feel more whole.”
For Valentine’s Day she made plans for them all to go to dinner and then to a luxury thrift store in an effort to try one last time with her stepdaughter.
She planned their night out around activities she knew her stepdaughter would like. Dinner was excellent, and at the thrift store, and let her stepdaughter know what she could spend.
She did want to do something nice and buy her a couple of items, but her stepdaughter is wildly materialistic, and her mom is that way, so she got it from her.
Her stepdaughter bought some things, and on their way out, the alarms were going off. It turns out, her stepdaughter had stolen $75 of additional items and thought she could get away with it.
She was humiliated and angry, and so was her husband. They both told her stepdaughter how disappointed they were in her.
As punishment, she took her stepdaughter’s phone away from her permanently, and she already has removed the phone line from their family plan.
After the latest stealing incident on Valentine’s Day, her husband has made up his mind to no longer go out of his way for her stepdaughter.
“Her mom (or friend) and his mom think we are being too hard on her which has been consistent through her life and part of the issue. She gets away with everything,” she continued.
“He told them both that he was done and if they wanted to deal with her, they could. He even went as far as starting to look into giving her to the state (not an option he plans on exploring).”
“I told him I wasn’t happy being around her, I was tired of being around his mom, and I was ready to go home. We moved away from my family and closer to his mom for more “help” but she has not provided any help.”
She admitted to her husband that she’s ready to go home since she knows her family will pitch in while his isn’t. She said that she’s exhausted from dealing with all of this.
She made it clear to her husband that she’s not trying to abandon him, but the more she thinks about it, the more she wants to leave.
She can’t figure out what more they can do but one thing is certain: she cannot handle living like this with her stepdaughter.
She does not want to divorce her husband, but she doesn’t see how things are going to end anyway else with all of the issues her stepdaughter is creating.
What advice do you have for her?
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