He Never Told A Woman Who Was Romantically Interested In Him That He’s Transgender, So He’s Questioning If That Was Wrong
A few years ago, when this 23-year-old transgender man was in college, he met a 24-year-old cisgender woman.
He Never Told A Woman Who Was Romantically Interested In Him That He’s Transgender, So He’s Questioning If That Was Wrong
At the time, he wasn’t receiving any hormonal therapy and hadn’t undergone any surgeries, but he managed to pass as a “regular guy” with the help of binders, voice training, and very masculine clothes.
“In general, people would just assume I was a small and younger guy. Some people didn’t believe I was an adult…,” he recalled.
So, the woman didn’t know he was trans, and they began to forge a friendship. They shared similar hobbies and started hanging out occasionally, going to movies, hitting the mall, and attending anime conventions with mutual friends.
Then, their relationship progressed to more one-on-one hangouts, and his friend seemed increasingly comfortable talking to him alone. He enjoyed it, too, as it allowed both of them to open up and be a bit more vulnerable.
However, at some point, he realized that his friend wanted to hang out with him alone because she was trying to flirt with him and was interested in a romantic relationship. He didn’t know she felt that way until she began initiating physical touches, like hugging and sitting closer to him.
He was actually open to dating her, too, since they were compatible, pursuing the same college degree, and had similar life goals.
“I even had a small crush on her at the time. There was one big thing, though: I had to figure out if she would be willing to date a transgender person,” he explained.
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To do this, he used a tactic commonly employed by members of the LGBTQ+ community. More specifically, he asked for his friend’s opinions in relation to the community, and she shared positive views about gay and bi people.
Yet, when he asked about transgender people, her response wasn’t as favorable and echoed remarks made by transphobic individuals.
“I won’t get into detail about these, but it was mostly about how we shouldn’t be allowed to have the same rights to the restroom as everyone else or the healthcare that we need, let alone being legally recognized as ourselves or how it shouldn’t be punishable by law to be discriminated against,” he revealed.
While his friend’s reply might’ve been shocking, he just smiled and acted like he was okay with “agreeing to disagree” before finishing their hangout. And afterward, he slowly cut contact with her.
Now, his friend attempted to hang out with him multiple times after that by inviting him to plans, but he kept making up excuses. He’d also focus on socializing with their mutual friends more whenever they got together as a group.
She eventually noticed he was acting distant and questioned him about it, but he only said he didn’t feel comfortable hanging out with her anymore, and they ultimately moved on.
Today, he no longer talks to that former friend, which he’s thankful about since he’s pretty sure she’d be mad if she found out that he was transgender after the fact.
Even so, he’s been left with one burning question: whether he was a jerk for not disclosing that he was trans.
“Some people say it isn’t good to not disclose being transgender to someone before dating, but is it bad when you’re no longer interested and nothing [romantic] ever happened?” he asked.
Is there any need to disclose whether you’re transgender at the start of a friendship? Since he and his friend weren’t dating, did he do anything wrong?
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