His Best Friend Feels Worthless Because His Dating Life Isn’t Going Well, But He Only Wants To Date Supermodels And He’s Not That Attractive
This 27-year-old man has a friend the same age as him, whom he’s been close to since back in college. His friend never showed much interest in dating or women, and he virtually has no experience in the romance department.
Two years ago, he split up with his long-term girlfriend, and not long after the split, his friend was excited to talk to him about dating. He believes his friend feels more comfortable talking to him now that he’s single too.
“Here’s where I’m struggling: My friend is an amazing person: funny, smart, thoughtful, a great cook, and he has a solid job,” he explained.
“But on a purely superficial level, he’s not conventionally attractive. Some people might even consider him ugly.”
He knows that being hot was the most important thing when they were much younger, but now that he’s single and back in the dating pool, he realizes that beauty isn’t everything.
Attraction as you’re nearing your 30s is complicated, and it’s more than finding a knockout. However, his friend doesn’t understand this.
His friend wants to exclusively date girls who look like supermodels or influencers, and to be fair, his friend falls short in the looks department, so these girls aren’t into him.
“It’s starting to really hurt his self-esteem. Not dating is making him feel like he’s worthless. I’ve tried to gently steer him toward more realistic and fulfilling possibilities,” he added.
“For example, a friend of a friend often compliments his cooking. I suggested he ask her over for a homemade dinner sometime, and his response was, ‘She’s ugly.'”
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“That really bothered me. At our age, I feel like we should be past this superficial mindset and actually see people for who they are.”
He would hate to be cruel to his friend, but he needs to tell him his expectations have to line up with reality more, or he’s going to be alone forever.
There’s no way his friend will ever be able to attract a girl with runway-model looks, and while that’s normal and fine, he’s not sure how to make his friend see it that way.
He knows he can’t keep sitting here quietly while watching his friend suffer, so he has to come up with the best way to address the elephant in the room.
“There’s someone out there for him, someone who will love him for who he is. But he’s blocking those possibilities because of his narrow idea of what’s attractive,” he continued.
“How can I talk to him about this without sounding condescending or mean? I want to help him see his own worth without reinforcing unrealistic standards. Any advice would be appreciated.”
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