When this 26-year-old woman tied the knot with her husband, she thought they were committing to being with only each other for the rest of their lives.
So, ever since he recently asked to open up their relationship and be polyamorous, she’s felt sick to her stomach and is considering divorce.
While she and her husband, who’s 27, only got hitched a little over a year ago, they spent four years dating and spoke in detail about what they wanted from their future marriage.
“I thought we were on the same page about all the important things,” she recalled.
“I do love him very much. He is sweet, helpful, and generally my dream partner, until last week.”
That’s because one night, her husband randomly claimed that he wanted to talk, and she figured he’d had a bad day or something. Rather, he wound up sharing how his best guy friend and his wife are polyamorous. Additionally, he admitted to discussing it with his friend and wanting to try it out.
Her husband then asked what she thought about the open arrangement, but unlike him, the idea put her on edge. That’s why she was honest about how she wasn’t interested in polygamy at all and only ever wanted to be in a monogamous marriage with him.
Now, if the conversation had ended there, things might’ve been okay. She and her husband have always had a solid love life, and she never doubted his faithfulness.
However, he continued pressing the topic, asking her to read more about polygamous relationships before she made her final decision. And even when she said no for a second time, her husband asked again for her to “at least think about it.”
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“And that just did something to me. Like instant revulsion kind of upset,” she stated.
She proceeded to get up and tell her husband that she was too hurt to talk to him anymore. Then, she slept in the guest room that evening to get some space.
Unfortunately, though, she’s still been fighting the “biggest ick” whenever she sees him. Her husband has also started trying to downplay his request, but deep down, she knows that he’s truly interested in being polyamorous.
What hurt her the most wasn’t the fact that he proposed the idea, either. It was how he continued asking her to reconsider after she’d already said no.
“It’s like that didn’t matter to him. He thought he could convince me, and it makes me feel awful,” he explained.
“What else is he going to pressure me about if I say no? And if he already wants to sleep with someone else, how can I ever trust him not to do it behind my back?”
So, she has been staying in their guest room since that night and is strongly contemplating divorce. In her mind, it’d be easier to split and divvy up their belongings now instead of years in the future, when she gets heartbroken.
She believes that if her husband wants a polyamorous relationship, he can find one. Meanwhile, she’d look for someone who shares her desire for a strong monogamous partnership.
Yet, divorce obviously isn’t a decision that’s made lightly. But despite the thought of splitting up “killing” her, she has a feeling that she’s going to get hurt regardless.
“While I do still love him, I don’t think I can ever unhear and unsee my husband asking me for an open relationship, and the idea of him touching me makes me feel ill,” she vented.
Her husband, on the other hand, is growing increasingly agitated and believes that she’s punishing him just for asking a question.
Now, she can’t help but wonder whether divorcing her husband would be overdramatic. Or, if the “ick” is just too severe to come back from.
Is it a red flag that her husband already wants to bring new people into their relationship after only being married for a year? Does it sound like they have different values? Would divorce be for the best?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
