I’m afraid there are many people out there who don’t realize how serious parenthood is. It’s a big deal bringing a child into the world and having to raise them, and a number of people don’t really stop to think about that before getting pregnant.
But what happens when one person is firmly ready to be a parent, while their partner is pumping the brakes on that? What’s the compromise, try anyway, or break up?
For the last nine years, this 27-year-old woman has been dating her 29-year-old boyfriend, and she says that their relationship is pretty wonderful.
They’ve spent a long time discussing when they would like to have their first child together, but things changed, and they made the decision to wait on that.
However, her boyfriend has always given her a deadline for starting their family; he said they need to have their firstborn before he turns 31 and their second before his 33rd birthday. She said she was cool with that, since she’s fine with being a younger mom.
Lately, the topic of kids came up again, and she came to the conclusion that she’s just not ready to have a baby right now, since she wants to secure a better job and make more money first.
Her boyfriend is still convinced they need to hurry up and start trying, and he is not hearing her out with her hesitations.
“His reason is that he doesn’t want to be ‘old,’ but I ask him what’s the problem if we decided to wait a little bit just to be ready at the same time. He doesn’t like the idea, and I don’t know what to do,” she explained.
“We have almost everything: house, dog, car. I’m fighting with my thoughts. Because maybe in some months I will find a better job and feel ready, but I don’t like to feel ‘pressure’ for this big decision.”
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She’s thinking it might be best for them to break up so her boyfriend has the opportunity to find a woman who is ready to have a family with him and can meet his deadline.
I don’t love how her boyfriend isn’t flexible on his timing and is so committed to the idea that he has to be a dad pretty soon. Also, I’m not sure it’s wise to have a baby with someone you’re not married to, as she has no protection for herself if things go south.
I’ve definitely seen women fall into the trap of giving a man a baby without being his wife, and it rarely turns out well, because they’re those men are too free to leave.
And finally, there’s more to being ready for motherhood than having a higher-paying job, and it looks like she’s doubting whether or not she really wants to be a mom.
In that case, yes, breaking up sounds fair, since she shouldn’t be pushed into having kids if she’s not ready. That’s just setting her up for a lifetime of resentment.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
