Most of the time, it’s not the big moments that show you where you stand in a relationship; it’s the quiet ones. And underneath just about every relationship is an unspoken question that sooner or later demands an answer: are you actually a priority to your partner, or have you been an afterthought all along?
For the last two years, this 30-year-old woman has been dating her 30-year-old boyfriend, but a wedding she’s no longer invited to has her questioning if her boyfriend is the right man for her.
Now, this wedding is happening overseas in Greece, and her boyfriend’s childhood friend is the bride. She knew the bride before she met her boyfriend.
It’s not like she’s friends with this girl, but they have spent time together in group settings, and she attended a birthday party for her in the past.
“Initially, the bride told my BF he gets a plus one. Later, that changed, and I was no longer invited due to guest limits, which I think is extremely tacky, but I digress,” she explained.
“I’ve brought up planning trips together before (even something small like a weekend a few hours away), and nothing ever gets planned. Meanwhile, he uses PTO, time, and energy for other people’s events and trips. I don’t feel like I’m naturally considered when he makes plans.”
“At a dinner with his mom, she made comments about his past with the bride, implying people used to think they’d end up together, and said some rude things about the bride’s fiancé. It was uncomfortable, and my boyfriend didn’t step in or redirect the conversation.”
When the conversation turned to the destination wedding, she informed her boyfriend that she wasn’t trying to make him pick between his friend/the bride, and her.
She just said she would like him to take her into consideration when making decisions. She told her boyfriend she still wanted to go to Greece with him, and she could do her own thing, but they could plan activities around the wedding.
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Her boyfriend said that it would be strange for her to still go, as he’s lengthening the trip so he can go to Mykonos with the other people in the wedding.
“The conversation lasted about 40 minutes. I was trying to talk through not just this situation, but a pattern where I don’t feel prioritized or naturally included in his life,” she added.
“He got very cold and stone-faced. Didn’t have much to add to the conversation other than it was ‘out of his control,’ to which I say he is in control of his decisions.”
“At this point, I’m not focused on the logistics of this trip anymore. What’s bothering me is that I don’t feel like I’m someone he actively considers when making decisions. I feel like I’m someone who has to ask to be included, rather than someone who is naturally built into his plans.”
If the tables were turned, she wouldn’t treat her boyfriend the way he’s treating her. She would have included her boyfriend in her travel plans.
But here he is, excluding her, and making her wonder why she’s even dating him if he’s going to be like this. The stark difference in how they think of this exact situation is why she’s questioning her relationship.
Additionally, she’s addressed her concerns with her boyfriend’s lack of including her on multiple occasions, and she doesn’t see how she can keep telling him the same thing while expecting him to wake up and one day change.
She’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for doubting that her boyfriend is the best man for her to be with.
It sounds to me like her boyfriend doesn’t enjoy being around her! Also, I’m suspicious that he does have a crush on the bride, considering his mom’s words, coupled with his disinterest in having her come to Greece.
Also, no, it’s not weird for her to go to Greece with him, even if she is no longer allowed to be there at the actual wedding, and the fact that her boyfriend is saying that is a red flag.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
