Do you think it’s fair to get married to someone when you still have unresolved feelings for another person? Is something like that grounds for calling off a wedding?
This 36-year-old woman has a fiancé, the same age as her, named Frank, and they have been with one another for nearly nine years so far.
Recently, they moved to a new country and are on temporary visas to be there. Frank has a work visa, and hers is connected to him as his spouse.
“Some back story, Frank and I started seeing each other in 2017. In 2020, we applied to move abroad, and COVID happened and set us back by years,” she explained.
“It really damaged his mental health. In 2021, he tells me he’s leaving me, he packs his stuff, and moves out. He then calls me and tells me he’d been waiting for our travel to be approved, and would I marry him? This is while he’s moving out of my house.”
“I didn’t answer right away. Shortly after this incident, he turns up on my doorstep and admits he’s been having an affair with a friend for over a year.”
Frank pleaded with her to take him back and give him another chance, and she took her sweet time considering that. Finally, she thought that Frank was remorseful enough and genuinely felt bad, so that’s what made her get back together with him.
Two months after reconciling, Frank moved to the new country while she remained home to finish up everything that had to be done.
18 months into Frank living abroad, she was able to be with him, and they have lived a nice life ever since relocating. But then today, an old flame she had in her teen years reentered her life, and his name is John.
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“As kids, we were incredibly in love, but inevitably lost contact and moved on with our lives. But those old feelings are still there, and the more I talk with John, the more in love I am,” she continued.
“I feel a connection there like no other that I’ve ever felt, and I’m about willing to give up everything to be with him, even though he is again in another country. But if I leave Frank, I potentially lose my right to stay in the country.”
“Though I currently feel awful because I know I plan to leave in the long run. This isn’t some fling that I’ve gotten lost in. John is everything I’ve ever wanted, and I don’t want to settle for anything less. I feel like a horrible person, as I know I’m currently lying to Frank, and I’m pretty sure he knows it too.”
I think if she does want to leave Frank, she needs to first make sure that John feels the same way about her and is willing to commit to a relationship.
Anyway, she definitely is dealing with a lot of problems, one being that Frank cheated, and it doesn’t seem that she has forgiven him or moved on.
The second problem is what if she marries Frank just to keep her visa? That doesn’t appear to be a wise idea, since she’s definitely not in love with Frank if she’s already entertaining another man.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
